Breaking Barriers
by authorjazmyne
Summary: Previously titled as The Affair Addison/Meredith and some Addison/Derek Addison and Derek used to have that relationship everyone wanted, but now neither of them seem to actually want to make it work. Meredith knows that and she tries to help out Addison the best way she knows how. Hiatus. Will come back to this.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a test fic... Takes place before prom sex.

Pairing: Addison/Meredith

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

* * *

She lies in bed every night with the same thoughts going through her head, she can't help it, it just happens. It's like a routine for her; come home from work, shower, get dress, lie in bed, sometimes fake an orgasm and then think about Meredith. At first she said it was because she knew he was thinking of her, so she tried to think about what it was about her that he loved, what it was that Meredith had that she didn't. While she found things about Meredith that were great, she couldn't find anything about her that should make him think about her while they were having sex. It was bad enough that she was everywhere in the hospital, now she was also taking over her thoughts. But she no longer finds herself complaining.

One night, about a month after she started to think about her, Derek accidentally said Meredith's name as he came. He tensed up and moved off of her, she didn't even care because while he was saying her name she was thinking about how she wished it was her touching her instead of him. So I guess you can say, in their own weird way it was like they were both having sex with Meredith without her being present. That night when she fell asleep she had a dream about Meredith, it wasn't the first one, but this one felt real, and if she didn't turn and see Derek watching her as she woke up the next morning she would have thought it was.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks, a bit annoyed with the situation.

He shrugs and sits up, "I was just waiting for you to wake up, didn't want to interrupt your dream." Addison's face quickly flushes and she looks away, he notices the flush and smiles.

"What are you talking about?" She quickly gets up and gathers her things for the shower.

"Well, it's not every day that I wake up to the sound of someone moaning beside me. That's all I'm saying." He gets up from the bed and makes it and she quickly goes into the shower wondering what she had said and what he had heard.

In the shower her thoughts race around her head, thoughts mostly of Meredith and it's almost too much for her to handle. She thinks of her that whole morning; while she dries off from her shower, while she puts on her lotion, as she gets dressed, and the entire way to the hospital. The thoughts were wrong, she knows that, but it's almost impossible for her to stop them, not that she really tried to. When she gets to her office she was grateful to finally be alone, but that didn't last too long. She's interrupted from her deep thoughts by a knock on her office door.

Agitated, she closes the chart she was trying to work on between thoughts and sits up straight, "come in."

The door opens slowly and Meredith enters the room and stays by the door, "morning. I'm on your service," she informs her. Addison smiles at her and she walks in further, but stays close to the door.

"Great," Addison says trying not to let her eyes wander over the interns body, "you can prep Mrs. Ortega in about two hours for surgery and for now I just have charts that need to be worked on." Meredith closes the door and walks towards the desk and sits in the chair on the other side of the desk. Addison passes her a few charts and they both work in silence, which at first is nice, but then it becomes awkward and she decides to turn on some music. "Do you mind if I put some music on?" Addison decides to ask to make sure it wouldn't disturb her from her work.

Meredith looks up quickly from the chart and looks at Addison, "you say something?"

Addison smiles a half smile and repeats herself, Meredith shakes her head and Addison plugs her iPod into the dock and turns it on. The first song to come on is a song she didn't really know, but somehow ended up on her library. She decides to just let it play and goes on with her work. Meredith starts to hum along to the song which makes Addison smile. She thought it was the cutest thing to see her hum and she found herself blushing as she thought about the intern in front of her. Addison finishes the chart she was working on and grabs another and continues to listen to the intern hum along to the music. She starts to think that maybe the reason this song was on her iPod was that it was a song Meredith had downloaded to Derek's computer. Thinking about Derek makes her think about last night when he said Meredith's name, which makes her think about the dream she had, which makes her uncomfortable in her seat. She quickly uncrosses and recrosses her legs to relieve some of the tension that was building up inside her.

That didn't help much, especially while Meredith was humming along to the music absentmindedly. She gets up and finds something to busy herself with so that she wasn't so close to the intern. It didn't help because now the thoughts were flooding her mind and that was worse than sitting across from her. So she goes and sits back down in her seat and Meredith looks up at her and then back down to the chart she's completing. Addison has one last chart to sign off on and she finishes it too fast because now she has nothing to do but look at the intern in front of her. Of course there are many other things she can do, but in her mind there are only two options, charts or look at Meredith. So with no more charts to do, she's left with the other option and at first it's okay because Meredith doesn't seem to notice that she's being stared at, until she finishes the chart.

Meredith smiles and Addison tries to clear her throat, but nothing happens, so instead she just adverts her gaze and sits back, uncrossing and crossing her legs again. "If you want to go work in the clinic until the surgery you can. I really have nothing left for you to do, but if you like you can stay."

Meredith turns to look at Addison, "I'll stay I guess. The clinic was empty a little while ago, so I doubt they really need any more hands down there." Addison only really hears 'hands down there' and she starts to blush with embarrassment as her memory is once again fills with thoughts of her previous night and morning. "Are you okay?" Meredith asks, standing up and walking over to Addison. She takes her arm into hers and checks her pulse, "your pulse is racing." Addison can't take the close proximity, as Meredith checks her pulse she can feel the intern's leg brush against hers and it makes her pulse go even faster. Meredith looks into Addison's eyes, wrist still in her hand and she smiles, which once again makes Addison's pulse race. Meredith places her hand back down and leans against Addison's desk. "Can I get you some water or something?"

"No thanks, I'm just hot I guess. I'll be fine," she says as she (once again) adjusts her legs and this time Meredith's hand is on Addison's thigh. Her hand was cold, but anything would feel cold against Addison's fire hot skin. Meredith smiles and then removed her hand and then sits back in the seat she was in before. Addison looks at her and without thinking, she says exactly what's on her mind. "Derek called out your name last night while we were having sex."

It's Meredith's turn to adjust her place, but her reason was simply because that made her uncomfortable. "I'm sorry," she whispers and Addison almost wonders if it was a question or an apology.

Addison shakes her head, "I don't know why I told you that. I'm sorry."

Meredith looks at her with a shock clearly written on her face, "you're sorry?" She almost shouts with disbelief. "You have no reason to be sorry, I'm coming between your marriage without even being there, I'm the one that is sorry." She takes a deep breath and looks up at Addison, "I haven't slept with him you know, not since I found out he's married."

"I know you haven't. That's not why I told you, not that I know why I told you, but that surely isn't the reason. And, I don't blame you at all, honestly, I don't blame you. You can't help who falls for you, or who fantasizes about you, I don't even mind that it happen to be honest."

"What? What do you mean you don't mind?" This time she is shouting and Addison almost jump when she speaks to her.

Addison takes off her glasses and rubs the bridge of her nose and then looks up at Meredith. "Meredith, all I'm saying is I understand why it happened and I can't blame either of you. I can't blame you because you weren't there and you don't control what happens in his mind. And, I can't blame him because you can't really control who you want, and there's no doubt that he wants to be with you, no matter how hard he tries to want me. And, I can't blame him for wanting you."

"So you're okay with your husband thinking of another women while he has sex with you," she says more to herself than to Addison. Addison hears her though and she almost laughs at how ridiculous it sounds when you don't know the entire story, but she doesn't say anything or do anything. Meredith breaks her concentration when she clears her throat, "okay, let me get this straight. You just told me, the ex-mistress that Derek called out my name instead of yours when you had sex and you aren't even a bit mad, is that right?" Addison nods, "Okay, so do you at least understand how crazy that sounds?"

"Yes, I do, but that's because there's more to this than that, but I won't discuss that."

Meredith nods, "okay. So does Derek know that you heard, or does he think everything is good between you two? Because I can't do this whole friendship thing if it's more awkward around you two."

Addison sits up and puts her right arm up on her desk and rest her head on it. "I don't know honestly, he said it quietly and then he got off of me and lied beside me and I went to sleep. We didn't speak about it or anything, so I guess he thinks I didn't hear or he doesn't really care that I know."

"What about in the morning, did he give you any reason to believe that he was sorry for something or that he was hiding something?" Meredith ask with genuine care in her words.

Addison shakes her head, "no we were both distracted by something else, didn't really cross my mind until I said it earlier honestly. It really doesn't bother me Grey. Do you want it to bother me or something?"

"Yeah, I do," Addison frowns at the admission, "well I don't want you to hurt or anything. I just think you should care. I personally don't want him thinking about me when he's sleeping with you, and I just think you should feel the same way."

"I can't because that would be hypocritical, and honestly the sex is horrible no matter what he thinks about."

"This is too much, I can't play the role of a friend and the ex-mistress, you need to pick who you want to talk to so I can talk to you."

"What?" Addison asks with complete confusion.

"Do you want me to be Meredith your somewhat friend or Meredith the ex-mistress?"

Addison sighs and sits back into her chair, "I guess I want you to be my somewhat friend."

Meredith sits up and looks at Addison and then back down at her hands, "okay. So why would it be hypocritical for you to be mad at Derek?"

Addison takes a deep breath, "because I think of... I don't think of him when we have sex either."

"Let me ask you something then," she pauses and then looks directly into Addison's eyes. "Do you actually want to be with him? Because from what I know and see, I don't think either of you want to be with each other, but are together out of obligation. Your obligation being that you feel like you need to make the marriage work, because you made vows and you want to fix your mistakes and him being similar, but neither of you because you are in love with the other."

Addison looks away and can't find the words to say what she wants to say, but she knows that Meredith is right. "Do you still love him?" Addison asks quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Meredith sighs softly and then shakes her head, "I don't think I ever loved him, but once you came I knew I definitely didn't and well I don't even like him anymore. I don't see what you see in him honestly, he doesn't deserve you. Like I get why he cheated on you, but I also get why you cheated on him and it was his fault, but you shouldn't be with a man who doesn't see how amazing you are, Addison." Addison smiled at her and held back the tears that were trying to fight their way out, but she wouldn't let them.

"You're a good somewhat friend," Addison says with a laugh and then her pager goes off. "Okay, that's Ms. Ortega, back to work I guess." She stands up and walks to the door and stops when she feels Meredith's hand on her back, she turns and smiles. "I'm okay Meredith, really."

"I know, I just want you to know that I'll be here if you need to talk, we could be more than somewhat friends, y'know." Meredith smiles and then removes her hand from Addison's back.

xXx

Derek walks to a table where Addison sits eating her lunch. She notices him walking over, but hopes that for some reason he would keep walking past her. But of course, he sits down beside her. He leans over to her and kisses her cheek and she almost flinches, but she manages to retrain from doing so. Neither of them talk for a while, just sit there in a peaceful silence. He eats his turkey and Swiss sandwich and she picks over a salad with grilled chicken. By the time silence breaks, Addison is practically finished with her lunch, and she's growing incredibly annoyed with him sitting there beside her silently.

"So," Derek starts and looks up to an annoyed Addison. "You okay?"

'No, I'm not okay. I've been sitting here thinking of your ex this whole time, in the least innocent way, and I don't even care.', that's what she wants to say, but it isn't. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay then. Do you want to head to Joe's tonight?"

Addison smiles a tight-lipped smile, "okay."

Derek pager goes off and he rises from his seat, "I'll see you later," and once again he leans down to kiss her on the cheek. She really hates when he does it, but the therapist recommended it to them.

After he leaves the table, she also gets up and heads to one of her patients' room to check on her. Her patient, Norah, was there for monitoring for one of the triplets she was pregnant with. The baby was already suffering from heart problems, and Norah's due date wasn't for another three weeks. As of now all the babies are fine and so is the mom. Addison records the vitals and then exits the room, almost as quick as she came in. She was on her way to the nurses' station when she hears her name being called from behind her. She instantly recognizes the voice and turns to see Meredith walking with a chart in her hand.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepard," Meredith calls again and then she sees Addison looking back at her, waiting for her to continue. "I just finished checking on Ms. Ortega and she's complaining of abdominal pain, should I give her more morphine?"

"Actually, I needed to speak to her, so I'll handle that for you." Meredith says okay and then starts to walk away, but then Addison remembers she needs to talk to her. "Oh, Meredith."

"Yeah?" Meredith asks slowly, almost cautiously, turning on her heels to face her.

"I have a surgery, but it isn't until six, do you want in?" Addison notices Meredith's smile and finds herself beginning to smile herself.

"Uh, yeah. Sure," Meredith shifts on her feet and moves the chart from one hand to the other. "I'll meet you in your office in fifteen minutes so you can tell me about the surgery and the patient." Addison only nods as a response and the two part.

One hour later and Addison finishes up telling Meredith about the patient and the surgery they were going to perform in a few hours. Meredith makes no move to get up when Addison finishes, but Addison doesn't mind, she herself actually welcomes the company. She turns the music back on, leans back into her chair and lets her muscles relax. She watches Meredith watch her indiscreetly and wonders what she's thinking. The blonde finally leans back in her own chair and lets out a long sigh that sends a shiver down Addison's spine. And, quickly her mind is full of snippets of her dream.

TBC? Okay... this is a test fic. I've only written one shots for these two and this would be a chapter fic. Let me know if you like it so far and want more. This is an Addison/Meredith pairing... well ultimately it will be. So review and tell me if it's worth continuing or not.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm sorry for the incredibly long wait for an update. :/ I've overloaded my plate with stuff to do and kind of went blank with this story. Please don't hate me … I come bearing slightly smutty gifts in hope that you'll forgive my procrastination. Next chapter already is half way done.

–

Part 2:

As they are scrubbing out from their successful surgery Addison remembers that she's meeting Derek at Joe's. She almost wants to just act like she's forgotten and go back to that stupid trailer that she hates, but decides against it. Instead, she looks over to the blonde who is scrubbing at her fingers and wonders if she'd like to come along. She did say she thought they could be more than somewhat friends, so she thinks that this may be a good next step. She looks back down at her hands and shakes the idea out of her head. Addison knows how hard it is for her to keep her mind away from the thoughts she shouldn't be having, so maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea. She finishes with her hands and then slips her rings back onto her finger, something she does out of habit and usually without much thought.

She holds the door open for Meredith and they walk into the busy hallway. "You want to come to Joe's with Derek and I?" The question falls out of her mouth without her permission, but she doesn't mind because Meredith smiles, which can't be bad.

After a few seconds Meredith bites her lip, and thinks for a moment. "Sure," she finally says and then Addison nods.

"I'll meet you in the lobby in about fifteen minutes," Addison says as she looks from the clock to Meredith. Meredith simply nods and then heads off to the locker room and Addison goes her own way.

* * *

Having drinks with your husband and his ex-mistress isn't something you should do. Having drinks with your husband and the woman who keeps invading your sexual thoughts is also something you shouldn't do. But nobody told this to Addison and that would explain why she's on her way back to the trailer with a very annoyed Derek after leaving a slightly pissed off Meredith at the bar. Addison sighs as she closes her eyes and fights off the urge to just get out the car and walk the rest of the way.

It was mistake after mistake once they sat down at the bar with Derek; his mistakes, Addison's mistakes and Meredith's. At first everything seemed to be going well, Derek was drinking slowly, Addison had been twirling her wine around in her glass and Meredith was doing her usual shots of tequila; everything was fine. But then Addison saw Derek smile a little too brightly at Meredith and it all went downhill from there.

Addison quickly tensed when she saw Derek flash Meredith his 'McDreamy' smile and she watched him as he began to shamelessly flirt with her as she sat right beside him. In his defense, Addison hadn't said anything and it could all be justified as over-friendliness, but none of them are stupid – this is Meredith, he wasn't _just_ begin over-friendly with her. Addison sighs as she remembers the way he touched Meredith's arm and the way she watched like a deer caught in headlights. Meredith had turned to Addison, her eyes letting Addison know that Meredith expected her to do something- that she should do something, but Addison couldn't. For a moment she felt like she was unable to form words or make any movements, so she watched as Derek continue to ignore her and let his hand linger on Meredith's arm a little too long.

Meredith wasn't having any of it though and she quickly got up and grabbed Addison's arm and dragged her to the other side of the bar. Addison sees Derek pull up to the trailer and as soon as he stops the car she gets out of the car and enters the trailer. She hears Meredith's words as she removes her jacket. "You have to talk to him," Meredith had told her after she ordered them both a shot of tequila. Addison closes her eyes as she remembers the way she told the blonde to butt out of her marriage, very possibly destroying the only possible chance to a friend she had. Addison, usually so sure of herself was feeling completely unsure of how to go about things.

The sound of the trailer door closing grabs her attention and she quickly turns her head to Derek. She watches him through a curtain of red hair as he tosses his jacket and bag down onto the chair. She sits down and removes her heels as he moves around the small trailer and for a while they say nothing to each other. He silently works on something he's brought home and she slowly undresses herself as she moves around the trailer.

"So what was that between you and Meredith?" Derek asks as if it's a casual question, but his tone lets Addison know it isn't.

She looks over her shoulder, her eyes level with his as she speaks. "What was what with Meredith?"

"When you two walked away together," he elaborates.

Addison rolls her eyes and starts to unbutton her shirt. "Is there's something you're trying to ask? Because if there is, then you should just go ahead and get it out." Derek grunts, a sound that makes Addison skin crawl all while making her blood boil. "Does it bother you that we might actually be friends?" She asks him, but ignores the fact that she's not exactly sure if Meredith wants to be her friend after she told her to butt out of her marriage.

"Ha, sure," he scoffs and starts writing again.

Addison takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "She was talking about you actually," she says to him and sees him raise an eyebrow as he continues to write. "Simply put, she doesn't like the way you keep touching her and she thought I should talk to you about it because apparently you didn't get the message from her."

"That's highly unlikely," Derek says as he looks up at her.

"And what reason do I have to lie?" Addison asks, not affected by him suggesting that she's a liar.

He's silent and for a long while Addison doesn't think he's going to say anything to her. Then, when she's about to get ready for another shower he starts to speak again. "Why do you keep insisting we argue about something? Is it your way of trying to "fix" our marriage?" His tone borders sarcasm and anger as he speaks to her and Addison has to fight the urge to just walk away.

"It's not like you are even invested in this marriage anymore," she throws back at him, venom seeping through her words. "At least I try to make things work between us. I don't know why you insist on having this same argument over and over Derek. It's clear that you're still in love with Meredith," she starts, but isn't given the chance to continue.

"This has nothing to do with her," he yells at her. "You brought all of this on yourself when you decided to stay; you came to Seattle and practically pushed yourself on me."

"What?" Addison gawks at him. "That is absurd. I gave you an out, Derek, but you decided that we'd work on us, on our marriage." She pulls her skirt off of her body and looks at him. "You and I both know what we're fighting about and it has nothing to do with me staying here, or Meredith, but it has everything to do with your lack of commitment. If you don't want to fix things then be a man and say so; don't expect me to continue to try to apologize for my past mistakes."

Derek throws down the pen that he was using to try and finish what he was writing. He couldn't take it anymore. Her grabs a beer from the fridge and then rushes out of the trailer, the door slamming with his departure. Addison lies down on the bed and lets out a deep and long sigh and her body slowly drifts off without her permission.

_Tousled blonde waves cascade over a bare back where a blue scrub top once was. Steady hands clutching at a wrinkling black skirt, pulling it from hips as frantic kisses are placed down a slender neck. Throaty moans vibrate off the walls of the small on-call room as both women pull at each other's clothes, moving quickly as they try to beat the clock. _

_A once crisp white shirt is thrown to the floor, and fire soars through two pairs of eyes as they take a second to look at each other. _

_The second passes and the blonde smirks at the redhead as she moves back on her knees, taking the space in between her opened legs. Long slender fingers slide in blonde waves as the redhead's legs are pushed further a part. _

_Sharp teeth graze the delicate skin of a creamy-white inner thigh and the redhead whimpers with anticipation. _

_Sultry eyes look up into lustful blue-green ones as the blonde slowly licks her lips. She lowers her head and slowly, teasingly licks wet folds, gathering thick creamy fluids on her tongue. _

_A moan of pleasure slips from the parted lips of the redhead and her hips buck, wanting to feel that tongue against her heated core again. _

_The younger woman takes the hint and caresses her wet center with her tongue. They both hum their pleasure as the blonde sucks and nibbles all the way to her bundle of nerves. _

"_Yes," the redhead moans as the blonde rolls her tongue around. _

_Eyes roll back as fingers slowly move up a thigh and then find their way into a wet core. _

_The blonde moans on the small nub and scissors two fingers inside the older woman who's coming undone beneath her. _

_She trembles as her body starts to shake and she can feel every time the blonde's talented fingers push into her. Deep, strong and perfect thrusts send her so close to the edge. _

_The blonde slips her free hand up to cup a round breast, teasing the pert nipple between two fingers as she curls the fingers on her other hand against that patch of sensitive flesh inside the quivering woman. _

_So close... The redhead is so close and the blonde knows it by the way her walls tighten around her fingers and the way she grinds her wet center against her face. She knows the signs, but she's selfishly making her wait. _

_Cries, pants, moans all muffled by the small hand that has moved to cover her mouth. She's shaking, trembling, begging for her release. _

_She can feel it, so close, but so far away from her. _

_She shatters and she's coming violently, screaming out under the petite woman's hand and she's in a euphoric world so familiar to her, yet completely new. _

Addison rolls over and falls to the floor in a mass of tangled sweaty sheets and a loud '_thump_'. She groans as she lifts herself up and then rolls her eyes at Derek when she sees him watching her. She feels the wetness between her thighs as she slides back on the bed and knows that she must have been dreaming again. She falls backwards onto the bed, her head turned away from her husband as she lets out a grunt and reaches for her pager and cell phone. After confirming there were no emergencies she sits up slowly, ignoring Derek's eyes as they follow her every move.

She gets up and uses the bathroom quickly before she brushes her teeth. She looks in the mirror and can see the slight signs around her eyes that she's tired. She shrugs it off and then leaves the small cramped bathroom and goes back to look through her clothes until she finds the shirt she wants to wear. She pairs a black button down shirt with pair of black pants and puts them to the side. She moves to the shower, turns the water on and strips herself of her clothes before she steps in. She closes the door quickly and moves under the spray of the water, letting it wrap her up in a cocoon of warmth.

She rolls her neck and lets the water beat down on the tense muscles. As the water beats down on her, she closes her eyes and finds her mind slipping away from her. Soon thoughts of Meredith are quickly all she can see as her hands slide against her body.

_Steam surrounds them as they kiss in the shower. _

_Lips brushing against each other as tongues search each other's mouths. Gentle nips and seductive sucks on lips as they kiss in the locker room's shower. _

_Breasts brush against each other as the two women push against each other's bodies; their hands grasping every part of the other woman that they can reach. _

_Addison pushes Meredith against the wet wall, her back hitting it with a loud noise. Addison smiles at her lover and pushes her thigh between her legs and moves her hand to Meredith's hips, guiding her movements. _

_Meredith's hot breath trickles down Addison's neck and she slides her hand between their wet bodies and pushes her fingers against her clit. Addison lifts her leg and puts her foot on the railing. _

_Meredith moans in her ear and she feels the vibration in the small nub between her thighs. She dips her head and sucks on the spot where the shoulder and neck meets, powered on by the sweet whines and cries the blonde make in her ear. _

_The hot water starts to grow cold over them and they know they've been in there too long and they're risking a lot. Anyone could come in at any minute and that only turns them both on more. _

_Addison's nails dig into the blonde's hips as she feels her own orgasm coming and she feels her body giving out on her. The blonde pushes harder on her thigh and Addison lowers her other leg and they fall down to the shower floor. _

_Meredith pushes her wet center against Addison's and rides against her. Addison clutches at the blonde, pulling her to her as she feels her orgasm just out of reach. _

"_Addison," the blonde moans in the redhead's ear as she begins to tremble. "Baby, come for me," she purrs. _

_Her eyes squeeze tightly, lips open in a silent moan and her body relaxes for a mere second before she's riding out her orgasm- letting it all go. _

"Addison," Derek pounds on the shower door and Addison jumps. She turns off the cold water, quickly opening the shower door.

"Water's cold," she says without looking at him and wraps herself up in a towel. She grabs a small towel and begins to dry her hair as she walks over to the bed.

She goes on with her morning routine, avoiding Derek as best as she can in the small trailer. She slips on one Manolo Blahnik Mary Jane and then the other and quickly grabs her bags and her keys. Without saying a word to Derek, she leaves the trailer and gets into her car, driving to her favorite coffee shop and picking up two coffees before she heads to the hospital.

She pulls one bag onto her shoulder and then takes the other in her hand. She reaches for the coffee and is grateful the lady put inside a bag instead of a tray. She quickly closes her car door, locking it and then walking to the hospital's entrance. As she steps through the doors she feels all the tension she was feeling because of Derek disappear and suddenly she's relaxed. She walks to the elevator, waiting patiently amongst a few other people. When the elevator arrives, she gets on and heads upstairs to her office. On the way to her office she smiles at a few people and greets a few others with a friendly 'hello' or 'good morning' and her sudden good mood does not go unnoticed by anyone. She walks into her office and quickly sheds herself of her jacket and trades it for a lab coat. She hangs her jacket up and gets things together and then removes the coffees from the bag.

As she makes her way to the interns' locker room her heels click on the floor and it's a sound that puts a smile on her face. The clicking of her own heels always made her feel powerful, demanding and strangely more attractive. She smirks to herself as she reaches the door and then suddenly she feels her heart start to race as she rethinks what she's doing. The night before didn't exactly end well, and she was hoping that the blonde would see the coffee as a peace offering, but she didn't know if the blonde would accept it or not. She feels uncertain, but she pushes the door open regardless.

She takes a step into the room and spots the blonde intern at the lockers pulling off her shirt. For a moment she forgets what she's there for, but quickly she straightens up and pulls herself together. She struts over to the blonde who is next to Cristina, Izzie and George. Meredith looks at her as she pulls her hair from the inside of her shirt and puts it up in a loose ponytail.

"I brought you coffee," Addison holds the coffee out to the blonde.

Meredith raises an eyebrow at her as she slowly takes the coffee from her hand, their fingertips brushing as she does so. "Thanks," Meredith says slowly. Addison nods as she fights off her blush and then turns to go. "Wait," Meredith says as she closes her locker and clips her pager onto her pants. Addison turns back to the intern and Meredith quickly walks over to her. "About last night," Meredith starts, but Addison holds her hand up.

"The coffee's a peace offering," she informs her simply and Meredith takes a sip.

"I accept," she smiles at her and then looks away shyly. She looks at her friends and then back at Addison. "You want to maybe meet up for lunch or something?" Meredith asks casually.

"I'll have to look at my schedule, but lunch sounds nice." Addison says as she tucks her hair behind her ear and shifts on her feet.

Meredith nods her head and then takes a swallow of the warm strong coffee. It was perfect, just the right amount of sugar, perfect balance of cream and coffee and she smiled onto the cup when she tastes the dash of nutmeg. Addison somehow managed to get her coffee right, something that everyone else messed up. Her eyes flutter shut and for a second she lets the much needed bliss from the sweet caffeine wash over her. When she opens her eyes she sees Addison look away from her quickly and offers her a small smile.

"You got my coffee right," she informs her with an odd sweetness in her voice.

Addison shrugs and says: "I pay attention," and then her pager goes off. She looks from her pager to the blonde intern and then the door. "I have to go, but I'll let you know about lunch when I see what my day's looking like." Meredith nods and then Addison walks out.

"So you're friends with Satan now?" Cristina asks as she walks over to Meredith.

Meredith takes a generous swallow of her coffee and lets the warmth fill her. "Something like that," Meredith says with a shrug. "She's not that bad," she continues as she thinks to herself. A small smile graces her lips and Cristina gives her a weird look, but Meredith ignores it.

Izzie sees that Cristina is about to ask something else and interjects. "We should go," she stands up and George seconds her statement with a nod. Cristina, being the dedicated worker she is, also decides she's right and decides to drop her questioning until a later time.

Meredith follows her friends out of the locker room, grateful for the peace-offer-coffee in her hand. She herself was unsure about where she stood with Addison last night. She felt like they'd taken a big step forward and then as soon as they got around Derek things moved back to where they were before. So seeing Addison this morning, bringing her coffee and smiling at her was a surprise to say the least. She sighs into her coffee as she reaches Bailey and thinks that maybe everything would be okay.

TBC Much quicker update. I promise :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Just realized my time line is messed up. I said before that this was before prom sex, and of course it would have to be because these two are still married. But then, I have certain things in my plan that couldn't have possibly happened until after prom sex. So while reading this story please excuse the minor mistakes I have with my time line.

Also, this chapter is rather short. I just needed something to get me to the next part of the story, but didn't want things to move along too quickly. Next chapter will be longer. Okay, hope you enjoy.

**Part 3: **

"Sorry I'm late," Meredith says quickly as she takes the seat across from the attending who was reading a medical journal and picking at a salad. "We've been slammed with surgeries in Nuero. Some idiot went and caused this horrible accident because he was driving while drinking... Like why would you even be drinking and driving in the first place? And why would you do it at nine in the morning?" Meredith takes a deep breath and notices Addison looking at her with an arched eyebrow. "I'm sorry," she says slowly and then sits back in her chair, "I'm rambling again."

Addison smiles and puts her medical journal down. "You were," she says with a nod, "but it's cute." Meredith blushes, ducking her head and opening her sandwich.

"So how are you?" Meredith asks before taking a bite.

Addison lets out an exaggerated sigh. "I've had better days, but things seem to be brightening up." The two women fall into a comfortable silence for a moment, Meredith eating her sandwich and Addison watching. When Meredith looks at her with a raised eyebrow, Addison simply shrugs her shoulders, leaning back in her seat.

"You do that a lot," Meredith tells her, drinking from her water bottle.

Addison tilts her head, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at the intern. "I do what a lot?" Addison asked her.

While shrugging Meredith says: "You look at me, like, like you're seeing something new each time." Meredith furrows her brow, showing Addison what she means. "Like this," she tells her.

Addison fights back a smile because Meredith looks adorable. "I do not," she protests, straightening up in her seat. Meredith smirks and quirks her eyebrow disbelievingly.

"Sure," Meredith draws out and Addison does smile this time.

They're smiling at each other when the sound of someone clearing their throat makes them look away from each other. Both of their faces fall when they see that it's Derek. Meredith looks away from him and to Addison who looks uncomfortable in his presence. She sighs to herself and starts to clean her lunch up to give the two of them some privacy, but as she's about to get up she feels Addison's hand on her thigh. Her eyes go wide for a moment as she feels a surge of electricity move through her, but that quickly fades when she sees in Addison's eyes that's she's silently asking her to stay.

"Are you going to just stand there and look at me?" Addison asks him, her eyes avoiding his.

Derek runs his fingers through his dark hair, looking between the two women, but neither of them looking at him. "We need to talk," he finally responds.

Addison quickly looks up from her salad and leans back in her seat. She raises her hand to block the sun. "What do we need to talk about?"

"I can go," Meredith says, not wanting to be in the middle of whatever it was that was about to happen. "I actually need to go check on a few patients," she pushes her chair back. "Yeah, you two," she waves her hand between the two of them, "uh – I have to go." Meredith says awkwardly and glances at Addison quickly, trying to smile at her.

Addison nods her head once and then turns her attention back to her husband. "What do you want, Derek?"

"For one, you could stop avoiding me," he tells her as he takes the seat that Meredith has just vacated. "You could also tell me what the hell is going on with you?"

"Me? Derek, we're at work and I'm not having this conversation here. You want to have a civilized conversation about personal matters, then we'll do it in private. I'm not going to do that now." She looks around them and then at her watch. "I actually should be going too, I have a surgery in thirty minutes." She stands and doesn't allow him to say anything else to her because she's quickly going back inside the hospital.

She gets changed into her scrubs and after her patient is prepped and ready for surgery, she goes to get scrubbed in. As she's scrubbing the soap across her arms and hands she starts to think, her mind completely going away from her as she works at a task that doesn't require her to think any more than breathing does. She thinks of Derek, of her failing marriage and how much she really wishes they could find a way to make it work. They've tried so much – therapy, talking on their own, doing things they used to do together, dates – nothing they ever tried seems to do anything, but drive them further apart.

Life with Derek was supposed to be easy, after all, that was why she'd married him. Sure, they loved each other immensely before, but so many things had led to the destruction and corruption of their marriage and no matter how much Addison tried to put the pieces together, they never seemed to fit back. Derek blames her, always bringing up the mistakes she's made, but fails to acknowledge his own mistakes, his failings. While Addison knows that sleeping with his best friend was a horrible thing to do, she also knows that it was things he did that led to the two of them getting that far. She tries to get him to see that, sometimes he says he understands and that she's right, but she knows he doesn't truly get it. He doesn't get anything that concerns her.

There are things she needs, things that Derek no longer gives to her. Sometimes she wonders if that another reason she's attracted to Meredith, the possibility that someone else could provide the things that Derek doesn't. She needs to feel loved, feel like she's appreciated and Derek no longer tries to make her feel those things.

She takes a deep breath and realizes she's been scrubbing over her ring finger, absently tracing the space where her wedding band usually lays. She finishes her hands up and walks into the OR, hands raised for sanitary reasons. And, soon she's wrist deep inside of a pregnant woman, looking up at a monitor as she tries to save both her and her child that's too young to be delivered.

xXx

Addison's walking away from a grieving husband after informing him of his lost. Both his wife and unborn child were unable to save and it's times like this that Addison needs to be around life to feel some type of hope. She decides to go check on the baby that she delivered yesterday, a premature girl named Athena.

She's with Athena in the NICU when she hears someone enter the room and it causes her to jump slightly, but she relaxes when she sees that it's just Meredith. "Didn't know you were still on call," she says looking up momentarily from the baby girl in front of her.

"I'm not," she responds and goes to stand beside Addison, looking at the baby girl. "She's so beautiful," Meredith says, giving the baby her index finger. Athena takes hold of it slowly, her pink hand covers Meredith's finger.

"She is," she looks over to Meredith's finger, which is being pulled a little by the baby, "she likes you, well she likes your finger at least." She puts her hand on Meredith's shoulder and the intern turns her head to her, still smiling brightly. Addison goes to say something, but bites the inside of her cheek instead, walking to another baby, checking the machines. After recording everything for baby Johnathon, she turns back to Meredith.

"She has a good grip," Meredith tells here, raising her eyes to look at the attending. Addison nods, smiling softly, but Meredith sees the sadness in her eyes. "Hey, you okay?" Meredith asks, her voice growing soft.

"I'm fine," she lies, her eyes no longer meeting Meredith's.

"Addison," Meredith says, but gets no response. "Addie," she tries, walking over to the other woman and Addison looks at her finally.

"It's nothing, honestly. I just had to tell a man that his wife died, along with his child and even though it's something I've done many times, it..." Addison trails off, her shoulders slumping slightly.

"You're human," Meredith tells her. Meredith pulls Addison into a hug and rubs her back compassionately. "Sometimes you just need someone to be there for you," she says sweetly and squeezes her a little more.

Addison allows the smaller woman to embrace her, feeling her body relax into her soft curves. It's been so long since someone's just wrapped their arms around her; she misses this more than she thought she did. She takes a deep breath, the smell of lavender filling her nose and relaxing her further. "Thanks," Addison whispers, her voice strangely husky to her ears. She clears her throat and pulls away.

Meredith nods her head, her blonde ponytail swinging slightly. They become silent as they walk out of the NICU and head towards the elevators.

"So, why are you still here?" Addison breaks the silence after they step into the empty elevator.

"I was actually about to head down to grab a coffee before I noticed you were in there. Chief's performing a surgery a few of us want to watch, and George is scrubbing in, so we're all staying." Meredith answers her as she leans against the wall, hands inside her lab coat's pocket. Addison nods. "Would you," Meredith starts, but then stops, not wanting to sound like a needy friend.

"Hm?" Addison raises a questioning eyebrow.

"Coffee, would you like to get coffee with me?" Meredith asks, unsure of herself.

Addison looks at her watch, she's been finished with work for the past twenty minutes. She should be getting home, but it's not like she really wanted to be in that trailer, let alone around Derek. "Sure," she responds cheerily and then exits the elevator, Meredith in tow.

TBC

Chapter seemed a bit bleh to me... I hope I'm not boring you guys. I promise the next chapter will be interesting :)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I haven't given up on this story or anything. Due to the hurricane that hit NY, I was without power for about three weeks... So I am back, and along with this update I've written half of the next chapter. So I will be updating again before Friday. Enjoy.

**Part 4: **

A week has gone by faster than Addison would have liked. A week of avoiding Derek as much as possible. A week of lunches with Meredith and coffees whenever they found the time in their busy schedules. A week of either her or Derek making up excuses why they had to stay at the hospital over night, even though they both knew they just didn't want to end up in another fight. A week had gone by and that meant it was time for Derek and Addison's bi-weekly therapy appointment.

"What was that, Addison?" The psychologist lifts her glasses up the small bridge of her pointy nose. Twenty-fourth time within the past thirty minutes of their forty-five minute session. Addison counts every session.

"Nothing," Addison lies. She had murmured something under her breath, but she knew better than to repeat herself. Dr. Morales – Lesley, as she liked to be called – would find some way to warp her rude remark into something that was either the cause, or part of the cause of the dysfunctional marriage she's in.

"Tell me," she starts slowly, her words stretched out much more than necessary. "What is it that you need, Addison?"

If Addison had a dollar for every time one of these psychologist had asked her that... well, let's just say she wouldn't need her 25 million dollar trust fund.

What did she need? It should be the easiest question for her to answer. Derek could never get his answers out fast enough. But Derek's answers wouldn't help their marriage, they would be the death of it. There were so many good answers to this question; so many things she could say. But Addison said none of them.

"Addison?" Dr. Morales prompts her when Addison's quiet, just looking at her with a blank expression.

"I don't know," she answers truthfully. She shrugs, moving hair behind her ear. "I don't know," she repeats. She looks from the psychologist to her husband, thinking. "I need him to make an effort," she says after a dramatic pause. The psychologist nods her head like she understands, but Addison's sure she doesn't. Hell, Addison, herself doesn't even fully understand their sham-of-a-marriage anymore.

"What do you think about that, Derek? Do you think you make an effort?"

Derek sits up and clears his throat. He takes a quick look at Addison and then looks back at Dr. Morales. "I think I have done a lot to make this marriage work," he replies, his answer simple.

"What have you done?" Addison all but yells.

"What do you mean, 'what have I done'? Have I not opened my home to you and given you another chance, Addison?"

"A trailer is not a home. We are living in a tin box, Derek." She turns to the psychologist. "A. Tin. Box," she explains to her, exaggerating her words. She rolls her eyes, her attention back on Derek. "And I was not the only one to do something wrong, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd get off your high horse." Addison, annoyed, rolls her eyes another time.

Derek goes to speak, but the psychologist holds her hand up, shaking her head. "I want to end there," she tells them, scribbling something in her notepad. "Perhaps it will open a door for the two of you and you'll be able to talk to one another. If not," she shrugs her shoulders slightly, "there's always next time." She stands, closing her notepad and putting it on the desk before ushering them to the door. "Thank you both for coming in today," she says, her voice soft as she pushes her glasses up again. "Don't forget to schedule your appointment with Neil on your way out," she reminds them.

Addison gives her a tight-lipped smile, walking out, pretending not to notice that Derek's lingering behind. She knows he complains to Dr. Morales about her, but she can't be worried with that. It's only ten in the morning and she's on call, so she needs to get to the hospital. She quickly makes their next appointment, knowing Derek won't make it and then she's out of the building and on her way to the hospital.

–

"Have you seen Cristina?" Meredith asks Izzie as she sits at the bench across from Izzie's.

"Hello to you, too. And, no, I haven't seen her, but I think she's finishing up a CABG or something with Burke." Izzie spoons the last of her pudding into her mouth and then looks up at Meredith. "Why? What's up?"

"Nothing. We... Nothing." Meredith sighs and starts tapping her fork against her salad container. She needs to talk to someone about what's been racing through her mind all day. It's not like she can't talk to Izzie, she just feels like she should talk to Cristina about it. But Cristina isn't there, so she drops her fork and looks at the other blonde woman, who was apparently waiting for her to speak. "Have you ever felt like you were dating someone without actually dating them?"

"Huh?"

Meredith leans against the table, her fork back between her fingers as she absently drums it against the plastic again. "I need Cristina."

"What's wrong, Mer?" Izzie moves closer as her voice takes a soft, concerned tone.

"There's nothing _wrong_. Okay, that's a lie. I think I might like someone I'm not supposed to like."

Izzie's interest in this doubles and she leans closer. "Who?" Her big brown eyes go big.

Meredith is about to answer when she feels a tap on her shoulder. "Addison," she says happily, a smile in place. "Hey."

"Oh. My. God." Izzie shrieks, covering her mouth. "No," she mutters disbelievingly. Meredith turns from the attending and glares at her friend.

Addison gives them both an odd look and then focuses on Meredith. "I was looking for you earlier." Meredith's eyes get brighter and Addison's heart beats quickly inside her chest. "I picked up that book for you, the one I was telling you about. Maybe you could come get it from my office before you leave today."

"Yeah," Meredith responds quickly. "Wait... You're not having lunch now?"

Addison so badly wants to say yes, but she knows she needs to distant herself from Meredith in order to try to get her life back the way it's supposed to be. "I just came down to see if you were here," she tells the intern. "I'm going to have lunch in my office today. I have a lot of paper work to catch up on."

"Oh." Meredith tries to hide that she's dissapointed and fails miserably. "I guess I'll see you later then."

Addison frowns. "Yes," she says, a small head nod, composing herself. "If I'm not there when you're leaving just give me a page. Okay," Meredith nods and Addison gives her a half-smile. "Stevens," she says, a tilt to her head as she turns on her heels and walk away.

Meredith sighs deeply when Addison's far enough. "This is terrible," she tells Izzie, whispering as if everyone around her knew what she was talking about.

"She-Shepard...Seriously? Since when? How? Why? Does Derek know?" Izzie asks all the questions on her mind, barely taking the time to breathe between each of them.

"Oh, God," Meredith groans, pulling her hair up. "I don't know. Part of me liked her when I kinda hated her – not that I actually hated her, just what her coming to Seattle meant. It's ridiculous – I know – but there's something about her that pulls me deeper every day. She's such a different person when she's just being Addison," she tells her. "Part of me still wants to hate her," she admits. "I want to hate her for managing to turn my life upside down, and this doesn't even have to do anything with Derek. Addison's just..." Meredith trails off. "Most of me really likes her, most of me more than it should."

Izzie nods, carefully listening to her. It wasn't as shocking as one would think. Izzie had seen the change in Meredith the few days, noticed that she hadn't been having lunch with them, taking her lunch with Addison instead. She herself wasn't sure how she felt about Addison. Addison wasn't one of her favorite people after what happened a few weeks ago with the quints, but she could still talk to Meredith about her.

Izzie bites her lip. "So you're over McDreamy and into McHot now?" Izzie asks.

"Who's into McHot?" Cristina asks as she sits down, instantly biting into an apple.

"Meredith," Izzie says, pointing a finger at the other woman.

Cristina raises an eyebrow, taking another bite from her apple. "I knew something was up with you and all that smiling and gross stuff."

Meredith rolls her eyes.

Izzie, out of nowhere clears her throat. "Don't forget you both need to be at the house by..."

Meredith interrupts the other blonde. "What am I going to do?" Izzie, allowing the other woman the time to be painfully annoying, pulls out her cell phone, texting George about what's going on, hoping he's enjoying his day off.

"Nothing," Cristina says like it's a no-brainer. "There's nothing you need to do about it. You'll be over her just as quickly as it started and then all we're going to hear about is McDreamy this, McDreamy that." Cristina shrugs as Meredith buries her head into her hands. "Did you guys hear about..."

And just like that they're talking about surgery and Meredith's left with unanswered questions about what she should do.

–

_'Gone with the Wind'_ is one of Addison's favorite books and a brand new copy of it is sitting on her desk. Two days ago, over lunch, she'd brought up the book and learned the younger woman had never read it. So last night, while she was jogging back from her run, she stopped in a bookstore and brought it. She wasn't sure if she'd purchased it to give to Meredith or not, but after getting home and looking at it, she knew she'd give it to her. And now it sits on her desk while she looks at it, waiting for Meredith to come get it.

Addison gets up from her desk, deciding she might as well do something while she waits. She has no new patients, no more surgeries for the day, and no real reason to be at the hospital. She could say she's waiting for Meredith to get off, but she could just as easily leave the book with someone to give to her and go home. But Addison knows she most likely will still be sitting in her office once Meredith leaves and she'll be sleeping in it as well.

She picks up a picture frame that she has by the window. She frowns, looking at an old picture of Derek and herself. It's from when they lived in New York, from when she was happy. It feels like a lie to even have the picture out for people to see. The couple in the picture is different from the one that sat in that therapy session earlier in the day, not even muttering one kind word to the other. The two of them barely even bother to say anything to the other because neither of them thinks it'll make a difference.

Addison jumps at the sound of someone clearing their throat and nearly drops the frame on the floor. She turns and sees Meredith standing at the door in her street clothes, jacket on her arm and bag on her shoulder. "You startled me," she says as she places the picture back in its place.

"I'm sorry," Meredith apologizes as she closes the door. "I knocked, but I guess you didn't hear me."

"Yeah, I was thinking," says Addison, looking at the picture one last time. Meredith looks as well. Addison turns and sees that she's looking and watches as the blonde's face takes on so many different expressions that she can't even figure out what they are.

Meredith turns to face Addison and they share an awkward look before Addison remembers the reason Meredith's there. "The book," she says aloud, voicing her thoughts as she goes back over to her desk. "Here we go," she picks up the book and hands it over to Meredith. "I think you'll like it," she tells her as she tucks away a stray lock of her hair.

Meredith looks at the back of the book and then the inside cover. Addison's written something on the first page and Meredith smiles before she even reads it.

"_Le prix d'Amour, c'est seulement Amour, ... Il faut aimer si l'on veut être aimé.__"_

"What does that mean?" Meredith asks as she re-reads the foreign quote.

Addison smiles and tilts her head a little. "_Le prix d'Amour, c'est seulement Amour, ... Il faut aimer si l'on veut être aimé__,"_ Addison says, her French flawless. "It's a French quote that means: The price of love is only love, ... one must love if one desires to be loved. I was reading something this morning that reminded me of it while I was in the waiting room," she told her, leaving out that she'd been thinking of her as well.

Meredith still smiles, her heart swelling in her chest. "How was your appointment?" Meredith asks, sticking with a safer topic.

"You know," Addison tries to dismiss the topic with a shrug.

Meredith puts her things in a chair and sits in the other. "I'm no good with this, so you'll have to just tell me what happened, instead of having me drag it out of you."

Addison sighs. "It was therapy," she says simply. "It was the same as it always is and has no effect like always."

"What happened?" Meredith asks her again, not giving up.

"Nothing happened and that's the problem. It feels like I'm fighting a fixed battle and no matter what I do it'll still end the same." Addison frowns and sits down on the corner of the desk.

"Maybe you should stop fighting," Meredith suggests.

"Stop fighting," Addison repeats to herself. She shakes her head as if she's saying no to the idea. Addison turns her head to the intern, who in return looks at her. "I don't think that I can," she admits. Addison laughs a sad laugh, her auburn hair framing her face. "I've been fighting so long that I'm not even sure what else there is to do.

Meredith puts her hand on Addison's thigh, but quickly removes it when she feels a shiver move through both of their bodies. "I'm sorry."

"You're fine," Addison says, crossing her legs at the ankle. Meredith smiles, a slow smile that makes Addison's body warm. She clears her throat, tucking hair behind her ear. "What would you do? Would you just stop fighting?"

"Honestly, I probably would." Meredith shrugs and Addison frowns. "But we are two different people, Addison. You should only keep fighting if you think it's worth it, though. There's plenty of people out there that'll try to make you happy and if Derek's not doing that, then you shouldn't sacrifice anything for him."

"So I should," Addison starts, looking down at her shoes.

"You should do what feels right," Meredith tells her and gets up. "I have to go," she says sadly. "Izzie wants us all home for movies and pizza," she explains. "Thanks for the book," Meredith says, tapping her bag and smiling.

"You're welcome." Addison walks her to the door, stopping when they reach it. "We'll have lunch tomorrow."

"No excuses tomorrow," Meredith tells her. Addison nods. "Oh," Meredith says as she's walking out. "Go home. Nurses talk, and take it from someone who knows, their gossip spreads like wildfire. No more sleeping in here," Meredith says sternly. "If you need a place to stay..." Meredith trails off, tilting her head.

"Thanks," Addison says politely.

Meredith puts her hand on Addison's, grasping it. "I mean it," she says. "It's not much and it's full of interns all the time, but you're always welcomed."

Addison looks down at their joined hands and so does Meredith. "Not too long ago I was the last person you would have wanted to see at your front door and now you're inviting me to stay the night."

Meredith laughs. "Things change."

"I guess you're right."

Meredith sighs. "Goodnight, Addison."

"See you tomorrow," she responds.

Meredith slowly pulls her hand away, neither one of them really wanting to let go. Whether the other knew or not doesn't matter, but they are both falling for the other. Only problem is, Addison's not sure if she can give up on her marriage and she doesn't want to cheat on him again.

TBC

This story is different from what I'm used to writing... I'm much more comfortable with actual relationships than getting them to one. I'm not quite sure I'm moving fast enough, but then again once you read the next chapter, you might think I'm going too fast. Ugghh. Hope you liked this update.

Review?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving everyone.

In case you haven't noticed: This story doesn't really follow the storyline much because I had no idea where to put it. I just thought I'd let you guys know that most likely I will keep it that way because it's working for me.

**Part 5:**

"Cristina's not with you?" Izzie asks when Meredith walks through the front door.

Meredith shuts the front door, taking off her scarf as she does so. "She's at the hospital still and Alex's on call." Izzie rolls her eyes at the mention of him; Meredith figures they're having another one of their fights. Meredith shakes her head, bending down to unzip her boots. "I don't think she's going to come, though."

"She's not," George announces as he exits the kitchen, phone in his hand. "That was Cristina and she says there's something she needs to do that's more important."

"Of course," says Izzie, rolling her eyes. "I guess it's just us then," Izzie says, grabbing the house phone from George. "I'll order the pizza," she tells them.

"Get pepperoni," George says as he plops himself on the floor. "And extra cheese," he adds as he grabs the popcorn bowl.

"Mer, what do you want?" Izzie asks as she looks at the other woman who is still removing things at the door.

"Whatever is fine. I'm going to go take a quick shower and I'll be back down in a few."

"Okay," both Izzie and George say absently.

Meredith takes her bag up to her room and closes the door behind her. She turns the light on and then throws her bag in the corner of the room, taking her phone and book out first. She puts the book on the nightstand, smiling a little to herself as she sits on her bed. She's tired from working too many hours and all she wants to do is lie back and fall asleep, but she knows she can't.

She unlocks her phone and she has two unread text messages and a missed phone call. The missed call is from when Cristina called her in the car, but then she text her so she doesn't need to call her. The other text is from Derek, not wanting to speak to him and knowing Cristina can wait, she goes and takes her shower.

When she comes out of the shower she throws on a pair of old sweats that were lying over her chair and her Dartmouth sweatshirt. She grabs her phone and goes back downstairs. Izzie and George are bringing beers, chips and more popcorn to the living room when she sees them. She sits on the sofa, her feet drawn up, curling up into the corner of the seat. She checks her message from Derek first, ignoring it when she sees it's just him replying to a message she wrote two days ago. Then, she checks Cristina's, who wrote about pizza and why she wasn't coming.

"Cristina might be coming later and she said there better be pizza left."

"That's just like her," George says. "She doesn't come, but she expects us to save some of _our _pizza."

"You should be used to it," Izzie says, taking a handful of popcorn and going through Netflix, looking for a movie.

"Cristina enjoys having some time alone," Meredith tells them. "There isn't anything wrong with that."

"We're her friends," George says.

Meredith shrugs. "She's different. Either you learn to live with it or you suffer." Meredith's about to say something else when she feels her phone vibrate between her clasped hands. She looks at the phone and smiles when she sees that it's a text message from Addison.

_**Hey... Hope I'm not interrupting the movie – Addison**_

_**Haven't started it yet. We are looking for a movie and waiting for pizza – Meredith **_

Meredith stretches her legs out, letting them lean against Izzie's lap. "What about that movie?" She asks when Izzie stops on a horror movie, reading the description.

"We watched that last month," she says, scrolling on. "We could watch this," Izzie says, looking from Meredith to George.

"We are not watching some chick flick," George tells her, shaking his head.

Meredith laughs, taking some popcorn. "Like that movie you picked last time was not a chick flick," she retorts, rolling her eyes.

"The man's dog died, that doesn't make it a chick flick," he says, growing a little red in the cheeks. Meredith's phone vibrates. "You still talking to Cristina?"

Meredith looks at the phone and shakes her head. "It's Addison," she says, missing the raised eyebrow from Izzie.

_**Oh. OK. What are you going to watch? – Addison **_

_**Don't know yet. Did you go home yet? – Meredith **_

"This," Izzie says, stopping on some Batman movie. Meredith is still surprised about what she still doesn't know about her.

"Okay," George says and they both turn to Meredith with pleading eyes.

"Fine," she exaggerates and checks her phone quickly, but there's no response yet. The doorbell rings, the pizza arriving. "I'll get it," Meredith says, swinging her legs off of Izzie. She gets the cash from the coffee table, going to get the pizza.

She comes back with the two boxes of pizza and Izzie makes room for them on the coffee table. Her phone vibrates between her hip and the waistband of her sweats and she quickly puts the pizza down so she can answer the text message.

_**Yes. – Addison **_

_**Good. What are you doing? – Meredith**_

_**Laying down in bed. – Addison**_

Meredith inwardly groans, trying not to let her mind picture Addison in bed. She takes her seat back next to Izzie, grabbing a slice of pizza and plate quickly. She tries to clear her mind, not wanting to say the wrong thing to her, not wanting to give away that her mind is a bit more dirty than it should be. She tries watching the movie, but as it starts she remembers just how much she really hates these movies. With a sigh, she takes her phone, ready to reply to Addison.

_**It's still early. Don't tell me you're going to bed already – Meredith **_

_**The past few days have been much longer than I was expecting them to be and they've drained me. – Addison **_

_**Want me to let you go to sleep? – Meredith **_

_**No! I want to talk to you. I missed you today – Addison**_

Meredith smiles at her phone, both George and Izzie noticing.

"Are you even watching the movie?"

"Yes, George, I am watching the movie," she lies.

"No you're not," Izzie says, eyes still glued on the movie, mouth full of popcorn. "You're over there talking to She-Shepard."

George tries to take a peek at her phone and she pushes it to her stomach, stopping him from seeing. "I'm doing both," she says and they leave it at that.

_**Should have had lunch with me. – Meredith **_

_**I know. – Addison **_

_**Why didn't you? – Meredith **_

_**I told you I had to finish up some paperwork. – Addison **_

_**You sure I didn't do something? – Meredith **_

Meredith waits for a response, but Addison doesn't write her back. They watch the rest of the movie, Izzie and George engrossed in it, but Meredith can't seem to enjoy it. She has a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach and it's distracting her the whole time. When she gets into the bed, the feeling is still there, deep in her stomach, a pain that is both physical and emotional. And, that night, as she sleeps, she dreams of red hair and sad eyes.

–

Meredith rushes into the hospital, Izzie and George in tow, the two of them arguing about something, but she's not listening. She's had the worst sleep she's ever had and all she wants to do is slip away to a dark corner and be alone. But she has to remember she's an adult now, a doctor and she can't behave the way she used to. She has to learn a new way to deal with her problems, and that might be why she's ignoring her friends, yelling at the lady who made her coffee and everyone is wondering what's going on with her.

"Mer," Izzie says softly. Meredith turns around and looks at her and Izzie can see that she's annoyed. "What's wrong?"

Meredith takes a deep breath, cleansing herself. "Nothing," she answers quickly, "I'm fine. I guess... It's going to be a long day, I can tell. I just would have liked a decent cup of coffee." Meredith sighs. She hadn't had to worry about her morning coffee in a week because Addison always managed to bring her coffee, even the day before, Addison brought her coffee when she was only stopping by the hospital.

"Oh," Izzie says slowly, not knowing what to say. "Oh, look," she nods her head towards the door.

Meredith looks, sees Addison walking into the hospital and her heart makes a weird sound in her ears and she can feel the muscles in her stomach tighten. Meredith starts walking to the door without even noticing, meeting the woman at the door and not even knowing what she was going to say.

"Meredith," Addison says, smiling at the intern. She passes a cup of coffee her direction, noticing the new light in the other woman's eyes.

"I thought you were mad at me," Meredith says in a whisper, taking the hot cup from Addison's hand.

Addison furrows her brow, walking further into the hospital. "Why would I be mad at you?"

Meredith, feeling much smaller than before, pulls her bag on her shoulder and shoves her free hand in her jean pocket. "My text," Meredith tells her simply.

"Your text?" Addison reaches for her phone in her purse and Meredith presses the button for the elevator. Addison sees the text message and sighs, a soft sound. "I must have fell asleep," Addison says, tucking her phone into the pocket of her dress pants. "These past few days..."

"Have been long," Meredith finishes. "I know," she adds with a nod. The elevator comes and they, along with the few people around them, get on to the already full elevator. The elevator gets to Meredith's floor and she turns to Addison. "I'll see you later."

Addison nods, but then as Meredith's leaving, she changes her mind and walks out as well. "I'll walk you," she tells her when Meredith raises an eyebrow. "How's the coffee?" Meredith takes a healthy swallow and lets out a soft moan sound. Addison averts her eyes from Meredith, licking her lips and clenching her fist into tight balls.

Meredith, oblivious to the effect that had on Addison, makes another soft blissful moan. "It's perfect," she finally says, turning the corner to the interns' locker room. "Want to taste it?" Meredith asks, holding up her cup to Addison.

Addison clears her throat. "No, thank you," she croaks, her voice sounding weird to her ears. She clears her throat a few more times, and then drinks some of her own coffee as they near the door for the locker room. "I should actually get," she points her finger behind her, nodding her head, "uh, I should go," she says awkwardly.

Meredith gives her an odd look and then pulls her bag further up on her shoulder, shifting on her feet. "Thanks for the coffee," she says, smiling into the cup as she drinks more of the liquid joy.

Addison watches Meredith drink, watches as she licks her lips when she's done and fights back her own moan at the sight. She tucks hair behind her ear, not noticing that it really wasn't out of place and moves back a little, feeling like Meredith might be able to sense the desire on her if she stood too close. Meredith's eyes sparkle and Addison looks into them, really looks into them. "I'll see you for lunch," she tells her and watches Meredith's eyes gleam. Addison could get used to that.

"Bye, Addie," Meredith says sweetly, entering the locker room.

Addison lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding and leaves, going to her office so she could get ready for the day.

–

Addison walks over to Bailey and the interns, pulling her lab coat down as she nears them. "I need an intern," Addison says to Bailey, looking at the short woman and the interns.

Bailey looks at her interns, considering which one. "George," she says and then shakes her head, "no, Izzie, go."

Izzie only furrows her brow for a quick moment and then nods her head, walking over to Addison.

"Thank you," she says to Bailey and Bailey grunts her response. "Okay, Stevens, I need you to get a background from the patient," she passes her the chart in her hand. "Then, prep the patient for surgery, then you can scrub in. You ready?" She asks as they begin walking towards the elevator.

Izzie flips through the pages, looking at the information she was giving. "Yes," she says, closing the chart and entering the elevator. "So you're going to perform an Oophorectomy?" Izzie asks, looking at Addison.

Addison smiles, haven't actually heard someone call it that since she stepped out of Med school. She steps to the side, pressing the bottom for the floor. "A partial," she tells her. "And, I'll just be assisting, you will be the one performing the surgery."

Izzie beams, thinking that maybe she could get over the quints situation after all.

–

"Where's Addison?" Meredith asks, looking at Izzie as she walks towards her from the OR.

"Right here," Addison answers, taking off her scrub cap.

"You coming to lunch?" Izzie asks her.

Meredith stands up from the bed she was sitting on in the hallway. "We're having lunch together," she says, looking at Addison as she lets her red hair down. Izzie frowns. "I'll find you after," she tells her.

"Fine," she exaggerates.

"You ready?" Addison asks Meredith.

"Let's go," she says, giving Izzie a small smile before walking off with Addison.

Addison and Meredith go to Addison's office quickly so Addison can get some cash and then they go to the cafeteria. Meredith gets a turkey sandwich and Addison gets a Cesar salad. They take their food outside, sitting at one of the round tables. They sit beside each other even though there are four seats, but they rather be close, neither of them admitting the real reason to the other.

"So what movie did you end up watching?" Addison asks, opening her clear salad container.

"Some Batman movie. It was horrible, just horrible," she tells her, sitting back in the seat. "You should have come over and kept me company."

Addison smiles, her eyes bright. "I wouldn't have been good company last night. Maybe some other night," she says.

"What about tonight?" Meredith asks quickly, the question shocking them both. "I mean," she clears her throat, "if you aren't busy, perhaps you could come over or we could go to Joe's or something."

Addison sits up in her seat, looking at Meredith, absently twisting her wedding band. "Okay," she says after a long pause where both she and Meredith thought she was going to say no. "I guess it would be fine if I were to go to your house tonight," she says, nodding her head.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Meredith tells her.

Addison frowns and shakes her head. She put her hand over Meredith's, not hearing the sharp intake of breath come from the other woman. "I want to," she reassures her, "really, I do."

Meredith licks her lips as the quickly become dry and gives her a small smile. "After work," she says, trying not to think about the heat that is rapidly spreading throughout her body as Addison's hand sits on top of hers. She'll have to figure out how to control this somehow before Addison comes over later in the day. It was going to be so much harder to control the sudden urges when there was nobody to see.

TBC

In upcoming chapters Addison will have small interactions with the other interns. Although Izzie and Addison's part in this chapter was small, I hope you liked it. Already planning the next chapter. I'm starting to really have fun writing this. :)


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I wasn't too certain about this chapter and had to keep going over it. Hope it's okay now. Also, I'll be uploading a one shot for them next week, keep an eye out for it if you're interested.

Part 6:

Addison and Meredith pick up some Chinese food before heading over to Meredith's house. When they get to the house, Addison takes the food and Meredith grabs her bag, walking to the house in silence. Meredith opens the door and lets Addison in, closing the door behind them both. They could hear Izzie and George in the kitchen, laughing about something, but at the sound of the door locking they stopped making noise. Meredith takes off her coat, hearing Izzie and George coming out to the living room.

"Oh, it's you," Izzie says and then her eyes fall onto Addison. "Oh," she raises an eyebrow in Meredith's direction. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepard," she greets.

"What are you doing here?" George asks and Izzie elbows him in the side. "_Ow_. I mean, hi, Dr. Montgomery-Shepard. What are you doing here?"

"George," Meredith hisses.

"It's fine," Addison says, shifting on her feet, holding up a hand to Meredith.

"I invited her," Meredith says. "I thought you two were supposed to be going somewhere?"

Izzie smirks a little. Meredith's trying to get rid of them and she knows it. She and George are on-call, but not for another three hours, and she knows Meredith already knows that. Izzie gives Meredith a knowing look and then pulls George by the shirt. "Yeah, we were just leaving."

"We were?" George asks, allowing Izzie to pull him to the stairs. "But we don't have to leave now," he protests.

"Shut up," Izzie whispers in a hiss.

Addison watches them go up the stairs, her head tilted to the side. Meredith take her coat, hanging it up and Addison takes hers off as well, letting Meredith take it from her. Meredith starts walking away, going towards the kitchen. "Come on," she calls and Addison follows. Meredith goes into the fridge, looking to see what they had to drink. There's something in a pitcher, but Meredith's not sure what it is. She pulls it out, skeptically opening it and smelling it.

"If you have to smell it, I don't think I want any of it," Addison says, watching her.

Meredith smiles up at her, closing the pitcher and putting it down. "It's one of these juices that Izzie puts together," she informs her. "Wanna try some?"

Addison scrunches up her nose, but still she smiles. "Sure, why not." Meredith pours her a little into a cup, passing it to her. Addison takes it, licking her lips before bringing the cup to her mouth. Meredith looks at her expectantly after she drinks it and Addison licks her lips, noticing Meredith do it as well without noticing it. "I like it," she tells her, licking her lips once more, unable to control the urge to keep them wet because she likes watching Meredith do the same to hers.

Meredith clears her throat, feeling a familiar tingle in her stomach. "I'll pour you some more then." Meredith takes the glass form Addison's hand, holding on to the cup with her, her fingertips touching Addison's. Addison makes a small noise in her throat and Meredith looks up into her eyes. Addison's eyes twinkle with something that Meredith's never seen before, her eyes slowly growing darker as she licks her lips again. Meredith's blood starts to boil inside her and she lets the cup go, feeling the electric circuit that was going through her stop when she lets go. Addison puts the cup down and clears her throat, looking at her for a quick moment and then tucking hair behind her ear and turning away from her.

Meredith wants to believe that the whimpering sound Addison made was some type of signal, a sign that she isn't going completely insane and falling into lust by herself. She wants to believe that Addison feels something as well, even if it's only desire, she just wants to know. She moves closer to Addison, stepping to the other side of the kitchen island, but Addison moves over, stepping away from her. Meredith doesn't say anything, takes that as a sign that whatever it was or might have been, it was really a mistake and she accepts that, not letting it bother her. She pours them both some of Izzie's juice, moving around the kitchen in silence, calming her body before she does something stupid that she'll regret.

"Here you go," Meredith says, pushing the cup towards her, not risking putting it in her hand again. Addison takes the glass and her eyes meet Meredith's, and for a second Meredith's not sure if she wants to just push away what she's feeling. There's a look in Addison's eyes, a look that even though she's trying to hide it, it's all Meredith sees. "Let's go to the living room," Meredith manages to croak out, her voice slightly raspy.

Addison nods, taking her purse and the food that she had placed down when they came into the kitchen. They move into the living room, sitting the stuff on the coffee table as they sit on the sofa. They sit on opposite sides, leaving the middle empty. Meredith not wanting to make Addison uncomfortable and Addison wanting to make sure she doesn't let anything slip out of her like before. Meredith grabs the TV remote, going to their Netflix account.

"What do you want to watch?" Meredith asks, her eyes locked on the TV.

Addison, while taking the food out of the bag, looks up at the TV as well. "Anything is fine with me," she answers noncommittally.

Meredith furrows her brow. "What kind of movies do you like?"

Addison shrugs her shoulders, crossing her legs. "I'm rather flexible," she says and Meredith turns to her with a raised eyebrow. "I mean," she flushes, "I will watch anything really."

Meredith smiles, catching Addison's eye quickly, before turning back to the TV. She looks at the genres, automatically picking thrillers because it's her favorite and George always protests when she wants to watch a thriller movie. Meredith picks the movie _Basic Instinct_, which turns out to be Addison's favorite movie. Izzie and George leave and then it's just the two of them. For a while everything is fine, they're eating and watching the movie. They're enjoying the chill time from the hectic week, enjoying each other's company and the movie.

Addison drops her fork on the floor, and before they know it, they're both reaching for it, their hands meeting again. Addison makes that sound again, that sound that's sending electric jolts through every nerve ending in Meredith's body. Addison can smell that lavender scent coming from Meredith's hair, the scent crawling into her body, filling her senses with pleasantness. Their eyes lock, their hands still touching, and they look both terrified and aroused at the same time. Meredith moves in slowly, but Addison moves away, making another whimpering sound. They both sit up and Meredith can see Addison deciding if she's going to stay or leave, but Meredith doesn't want her to go. She looks away, not able to look at her, but then she feels Addison's hand on her arm, touching her quickly, but then Addison pulls away.

Meredith turns her head to face Addison, her eyes darting to her lips and she feels her body heat like an inferno, her pulse quickening and her breath coming out heavy. "Addison," she whispers, a plead, a way to back out, anything.

Addison licks her lips, inching closer to Meredith, her blood rushing in her body, her senses overwhelmed by everything she's feeling. Meredith's eyes flutter close and Addison slowly brings her hand to her face, cautious as she cups her cheek in the palm of her hand. Her thumb ghosts over her lips, Meredith's breath is hot as it slips through, caressing Addison's thumb. Addison slowly swipes her thumb over Meredith's bottom lip, hearing her breath hitch in her throat. Addison lets out a soft sigh, her heart racing as she moves closer, her lips destination clear as they come closer to Meredith's. Meredith moves her hand to Addison's lap, causing Addison's body to heat where she's touching her.

Meredith's eyes open, dark and lustful as she bites her lip, Addison's lips just about touching hers. Meredith closes her eyes back, closing the space between their lips, clashing them together, both of them moaning into the kiss. They kiss hungrily, savagely, like their life depends on it. Lips roughly pushing against each other, tongues demanding entrance to each other's mouths. Meredith pulls Addison to her, both of them falling back on the sofa. Meredith slips her hand down Addison's back, her fingers flirting with her waistband as her tongue teases Addison's mouth.

A pager beeps off in the distant, the sound making them break from the kiss, faces flushed and lips plump. Addison gets up, moving to find her pager and Meredith looks at her for a moment and then goes to find hers. Meredith looks at hers and it's blank. Addison reads her page, clipping the pager to the waistband of her pants when she finishes. She runs her fingers through her hair, not looking at Meredith, unable to face her.

"I have to go," she says, wiping her lips and looking for her purse. "I'll, uh, I'll..." Addison grabs her bag. "Bye."

Meredith looks at Addison as she walks out of the living room, not getting up because it's obvious to Meredith that Addison doesn't want to be around her. Meredith can feel her heart pounding in her chest, worry flowing through her as she looks out the window, watching Addison rush off to her car. Addison regrets kissing her, she's sure of it. She thought Addison wanted her to, that's the way it seemed to her. But as she hears the sound of Addison's car pulling away, all she can think is that she just made another big mistake. She just hopes it doesn't cost her the friendship they were building.

–

"Where have you been?" Addison hears Derek asks as she approaches the nurses' station, putting her bag down and shedding herself from her coat. "I've been looking for you, and you weren't at the trailer, or your office."

Addison sighs, her body still tingling everywhere. She can still feel where Meredith touched her, feel the way her lips felt on hers, smell that delicious scent, but as she turns around, all she sees is her husband. She feels horrible, guilty. She kissed Meredith. Meredith kissed her. Addison was kissing Meredith, something she wanted so badly, not even knowing the other woman wanted it as well, but as she looks at Derek all she feels is guilt. She forces a smile on her face and puts her hand on his, her thumb rolling over his knuckles. She looks around them, only two or three other people are around them. She leans forward, quickly kissing him, feeling his surprise, but then feeling him kiss her back.

"What was that for?" He asks when she pulls away.

She keeps that smile on her face. "I've missed you, Derek," she says, not completely lying because she does miss him, but that wasn't why she kissed him. She watches his eyes move to her lips and has to force herself not to think about the way Meredith did the same thing, the way her eyes were full of lust and all the things she's been fantasizing to see in them.

Derek smiles, putting a hand on her neck, his finger running across her jaw. "Are you coming home tonight?"

She feels her stomach fall, but her false cheerful mood doesn't falter. "You want me to?" He nods, running his free hand through his hair, smiling at her. She misses that smile, she can't deny that. "I'll only be another ten minutes and then I'm leaving. I'll see you there," she tells him, releasing his hand.

He pulls her in for another kiss, a grunt filling her mouth, coming from his. "I'm glad we're going to try and make this work," he admits.

She gulps. "Me too," she whispers, walking away.

Addison quickly goes to check on the mom that she'd come back to the hospital for. It takes a little longer than she expected, but she welcomes the delay in what she knows will happen when she gets back to the trailer. She finishes up at the hospital, not rushing to the trailer, but being mindful of what time she said she'd be there. She's not sure if she wants to sleep with Derek. The last time they slept together was that night when he said Meredith's name, and she's not sure she wants to sleep with someone when she's certain their mind is elsewhere. But that only makes her a hypocrite because Addison knows her mind will drift off, drift off to something that's not only a fantasy this time, but something that she's sure would have happened if she didn't leave.

When she gets to the trailer, Derek's coming out of the shower. Their eyes lock and she feels her heart start to race for all the wrong reasons. She drops her bag down on the small table and he gives her that smile that used to melt her heart into goo, the smile she really can't stand anymore. As she walks to him, taking off her coat, she realizes that she no longer feels the same way about him that she used to. When he pulls her to him, her clothed body against his, she realizes that her blood doesn't pump rapidly through her veins the way it used to when he pulled her flush against him liked this. And, it's when he moves them to the bed, unbuttoning her shirt that she realizes she doesn't want him to touch her. But Addison doesn't stop him. Instead, she lets him touch her, caress her, lets him think she's enjoying it even though she's not. And, after they finish he falls asleep and she goes into the shower. Once she's in the privacy of the small shower, water falling, blocking out the sound, Addison allows herself to cry, releasing the many feelings coursing through her body.

–

"What are you looking at?" Izzie asks as she approaches Meredith.

Meredith jumps slightly. "Huh?" She asks, turning her head quickly and then back. "Oh. Derek," she tells her, tilting her head slightly as she watches him. "Does he seem..." Meredith searches for the right word. "He seems happy, doesn't he?"

"Yeah," Izzie says quickly, putting the chart she was looking over down. "Why?"

Meredith shakes her head. "No reason," she says and then clicks her pen shut. "I have to go," she says and before Izzie has a chance to reply, Meredith's gone. Meredith walks over to where Derek's standing, just finishing up a conversation with one of the head surgeons in Cardio.

"Hey," he says to her, charming smile in place.

"Are you okay? You're smiling," she says in a low voice, almost as if it's a secret.

Derek smiles, putting a hand on Meredith's shoulder. "I'm in a good mood," he says. He looks up when he catches red hair out of the corner of his eye.

Addison tried walking away once she noticed both Derek and Meredith standing there, but she'd been spotted. She walks over to them, her hands in her pockets as they both eye her. Derek puts his hand on her waist when she comes near them, causing her to flinch and Meredith's eyes to get wide. Addison's eyes immediately go to Meredith's, who in return looks away, looks to the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at Addison or Derek's hand on her.

"You okay?" Derek asks Meredith when he senses her mood change.

"Yeah," she answers simply and turns on her heels. "I've got to go before Bailey freaks," she tells them and starts walking away.

"I have a surgery," Addison tells him, walking away quickly, leaving him wondering what is going on with everyone. "Meredith," Addison calls after her after they turn a corner. "Meredith," she says again when the blonde starts walking faster. Addison hadn't picked a good day to wear higher heeled shoes.

Meredith stops at the elevator, pushing the button furiously, wanting it to hurry up and get to her. Addison puts her hand on her arm, stopping her from her assault on the button. "What do you want?" Meredith asks in a cold tone.

Addison drops the younger woman's hand, letting out an exaggerated sigh. "Meredith, what's wrong?"

The intern turns to her, her foot tapping against the floor and her eyes dark. "You kissed me. You kissed me and then you left me. You kissed me and now Derek's all happy and touching you." Addison looks around to see if anyone is around and is glad to see that they are thankfully alone. "Why'd you kiss me?"

"Meredith," Addison says slowly and sadly.

Meredith holds up her hand, shaking her head. "No!"

The elevator arrives and they let a few people step out and then Addison follows Meredith in. Addison gets off on the same floor as Meredith, following her out to the corridor, her heels clicking loudly as she keeps up with the intern. Addison doesn't know what she's going to say, but she knows she has to say something. Meredith turns around the corner, going towards the intern locker room and Addison gets a hold of her hand, holding it gently, but firm enough.

"Wait. I want to talk to you, Meredith." Meredith turns to her, looking at her, her eyes begging her to say something, but her body language begging her to just shut up and let her go.

"What's there to talk about?" Meredith asks, using her free hand to tuck blonde hair behind her ear as she looks around her, watching a few people pass by before speaking again. "What happened last night with Derek?" Addison tenses, letting Meredith's hand go. Meredith understands and doesn't need to hear it. "We don't need to talk," she says coldly and walks away, going to the locker room and leaving Addison behind.

TBC

Reviews would be nice. I don't write base on reviews, but it'd be nice to know that people like what I'm writing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Part 7**

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ Addison's having a rough day, one of those days that starts horribly and most likely will end horribly. She's been thinking about Meredith all day, that disappointed look under all the anger, and the sadness in those eyes, making them bluer than they usually are. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. _She doesn't know what she was thinking. Sure, she wants to fix things with Derek, but at the same time she knows things will never truly be alright between the two of them. And Meredith. Meredith kissed her, which she's been dreaming about for the longest. And, Meredith smiles at her and makes her feel like the rest of the world has disappeared for the moment. Derek smiles at her and most of the time it makes her sick to her stomach. Well, unless it's _that_ smile, and she loves it, but every other time he smiles at her it makes her skin crawl. But she knows that if Meredith was to want something more than one night with her, then she would give it to her, but now she's messed it all up. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

–

"What's going on with you?" Cristina asks at the nurses' station.

Meredith, who has been thinking all morning about Addison and Derek, takes a deep breath, looking off into the distance. "Nothing," she breathes because even though she at first wanted to talk to Cristina about this, she no longer wants to talk about this at all. She knows that when she does want to talk about it, then she'll go to Cristina, but not now.

Cristina arches an eyebrow as she goes through the charts, looking for a specific one. From that simple word she can tell Meredith's lying, but she can also tell she doesn't want to talk about it. Very well, they don't need to talk about stuff to know that the other person is there for them. They aren't those kind of friends, not like George and Izzie are together. Cristina finds her chart and stands beside Meredith, though she had intended to head upstairs. This is her way of comforting her, simply standing beside her and not doing what everyone else will, which is continue to ask what's wrong until Meredith either caves or loses it.

Meredith sighs, this time more softly, thankful that Cristina is beside her for the moment. Meredith's supposed to be on Derek's service today, but he's been in surgery all morning and she's only checking on the few patients she has. She hopes she can go the rest of the day with as little contact with him as possible. She was glad when Derek told her that she wasn't going to be scrubbing in for the surgery, not that she didn't want to – because it's a surgery and she's a surgeon – but because she can't imagine having to be in the OR with him for 10+ hours when all she can really think about is what most likely happened between him and Addison. But who is she to be mad? Addison's married to him; if anyone should be mad, it's him because she kissed _his _wife, and she was touching her, and she's sure she would have done so much more if it wasn't for that pager going off. So she shouldn't be brooding because of this, but she can't help it because she realizes she's falling for Addison, falling so fast she can't even stop herself now.

"I'm gonna go watch Derek's surgery in the gallery for a little while," Meredith tells Cristina, who in return nods her head, heading the opposite direction.

Meredith ends up taking the elevator to a different floor, walking to a different room, and holding her fist up to a door she's not sure she should be standing in front of. The room, Addison's office, seems like the last place she should be. She's mad at the woman, which she may or may not have the actual right to be. But she's been thinking about her all day, which is incredibly distracting. She knows that if she's needed she'll be paged and she has a good fifteen minutes before she does her next check on Mr. Bloom, who she's been checking on every thirty minutes since she's got in. She just can't seem to bring herself to knock on the door. She can hear the sound of Addison moving around, the sound of papers, and the sound of music, which she's come to learn means Addison's working on paperwork. She almost walks away from the office, but then as a last minute decision she knocks on the door instead.

"It's open," she hears Addison call and then she freezes, not sure if she should open. She hears Addison sigh on the other side of the door and the sound of Addison's chair sliding against the floor. Meredith takes a deep breath, opening the door. "Oh," Addison says slowly, halfway to the door. "It's you."

Meredith feels awkward having Addison staring at her with questioning eyes. Meredith's not exactly in the room, but she's not exactly in the hall either. She's in a comfortable place between the two, looking at Addison as her heart races and her mind does the same. "Are you busy?"

"Yes," Addison answers quickly. Meredith's face falls more than it already had and then Addison shuffles on her feet. "You can still come in if you need something," she adds quickly, a hopeful tone in her voice.

"That's okay," Meredith tells her. "I don't even know why I came over here," she tells her honestly, her eyes focusing on the floor as she starts to walk out.

"Wait," Addison says and Meredith actually stops, which Addison wasn't prepared for. She clears her throat when piercing eyes look back up into hers. "Can we talk?" Addison asks, her voice taking on an odd tone, one she's not familiar with. Meredith doesn't say anything, but she does come into the office, closing the door and then leaning against it. "You can have a seat, you know." Addison sits in her own seat. "I don't bite," she tells her, a small smirk playing across her lips, despite the horrible mood she's been in all day.

Meredith, with her hands in her lab coat, walks to the seats, taking one and then looks up at Addison. "What do you want to talk about?" Meredith asks coldly, but she can't help it.

Addison crosses her legs, taking off her glasses and folding them as she thinks. There's so much she wants to say to her. There was a lot she wanted to say as soon as they kissed, and then after last night she wanted to talk to her about that, and then after this morning she just wanted to apologize. Meredith had become one of her closest friends in a short time and friends was something she didn't have many of. She's starting to see why.

"Last night..." Addison stops when she sees Meredith shift in her seat. Addison looks down to her desk as she speaks, not meeting those eyes that are capable of melting a hole right into her heart. "Whatever you're thinking happened last night, I'm sure it's not exactly what you're thinking."

Meredith's not sure if she means with her or with Derek. She's pretty sure what happened with her is obvious and there isn't any way that could be anything other than what it was. She hasn't really thought about what she thought happened last night with her and Derek. The only thing she could think of was the way he touched her earlier in the morning. Her thoughts on the night were simply that something had to have happened.

She goes with what she actually does understand. "Last night when you kissed me? I'm pretty sure I understood what happened between us last night."

"With Derek," she clarifies. She gulps, licking her upper lip as she looks up into Meredith's eyes. "We had sex last night," she tells her slowly. Meredith's look in her eyes is indescribable, but Addison doesn't like the look. "You of all people know how much I want to fix things with him."

"Then why did you kiss _me_?" Meredith asks, interrupting. "If you want to fix things with Derek, then why kiss me?" Addison doesn't say anything, continuing to look at her with her lips pressed tightly. "So last night when you kissed me, was that somehow part of your screwed up plan to get Derek to forgive you?"

"Mere," she says slowly, not even sure what to say to that. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I know that now, but me kissing you had nothing to do with Derek." Meredith stands, her arms folded over her lithe body, almost a protective stance. "Are you leaving?" Addison asks, not wanting her to.

"What do you expect me to do? Am I supposed to sit here and listen to you tell me about the sex you had with your husband after you kissed me? Maybe kissing me was a mistake, but it was one I know you enjoyed." Meredith, most likely because she's some type of masochistic person, asks the question that's been playing around in her head. "So, do you regret kissing me?"

"Yes," Addison answers quickly, seeing the hurt in Meredith's eyes, which makes her heart clench painfully. Addison stands, walking around her desk, moving closer to Meredith, who in return takes a step back. "I didn't mean that," she tells her.

"You do mean it. You regret kissing me. I can see it in your eyes," she tells her, hurt more than she's going to admit.

"I do not regret it," Addison says, her voice pleading her to believe her. But why does she want Meredith to believe her when it would just be easier if it were true?

"Then why did you have sex with him?" Meredith's becoming visibly upset, her foot tapping against the floor as her eyes get darker.

"Because I felt guilty," she admits in a whisper, not meeting Meredith's penetrating glare, knowing it would be too hard to look her in the eye. "I felt guilty for what I did and I wanted to fix it, but that doesn't mean that I regret what I did. I feel guilty because I don't regret it. I feel guilty because I know I'm never going to stop thinking about what would have happened if I didn't leave."

Under Meredith's anger is a part of her that wants to just tell Addison that she understands because she does. But there's a lot of anger, whether it be for herself or Addison. She doesn't say anything, the silence between them both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.

Addison is the one that breaks the silence. "For the first time since I've met you, I believe this is the first time I actually feel like you really hate me," she tells her, looking into angry eyes. "Even when I came here from New York, destroyed your fairytale life, disturbed the peace so to speak, I still never felt like you truly hated me. Like, there was the obvious resentment, the looks of disgust, and the times when I felt like you might have hated me. But now there's no might in my mind. You're looking at me like you're never going to forgive me." Addison closes her eyes. "And I don't think I can handle that."

"I don't hate you," she tells her, almost laughing at how many times she's said that to Addison. "I'm hurt," she admits. "Last night when you kissed me … I don't hate you."

"But I've ruined our friendship," it's not really a question, but she leaves it open, looking at Meredith.

Meredith sighs tiredly. She's tired of always being angry with someone. If it's not one person, it's another, and at some point she just wants to be happy. But she's Meredith and there's never going to be a time when she can be happy without any interruptions. Meredith shakes her head, sort of responding to what Addison said.

Addison leans against the edge of her desk, her ankles crossed. "I've messed up," Addison says to herself. "I used to think life was going to be simple, there was one right way to do it, and I was going to do it that way and make everyone else look like failures. Now look at me. The joke is on me. I can't do anything right."

"Life isn't easy, Addie, and you're going to make mistakes." Addison looks defeated, which makes Meredith come closer to her. "We all strive to be perfect, but sometimes you have to admit that it's not going to happen, even if it's only you that you admit it to."

Addison licks her lips, nodding her head, knowing she's right. "If I can't be perfect, then I'm just..."

"You're Addie," Meredith says simply. "You're an extraordinary surgeon, a surgeon with accomplishments that make you even more extraordinary."

"Yeah, then you take away that and you're left with... What?" Addison smiles sadly as she stands up correctly, smoothing out her skirt. "You should get going," she tells Meredith almost absently.

Meredith looks at her watch and nods. "Addison," she says softly. Addison looks up at Meredith. Meredith sighs softly. "I'm not mad at you."

Addison smiles quickly, massaging the bridge of her nose. "No, but you're hurt, which is worse. I never meant to hurt you. I value your friendship." Addison moves closer to Meredith without really thinking twice about it.

"I know," Meredith tells her, noticing how close Addison is to her. "It's going to be hard for us to remain friends, but that doesn't mean we can't. I mean-" She licks her lips, hating that Addison so easily affects her, making her want to move in and kiss her without even trying to. Wasn't she supposed to be mad at her? Obviously Meredith's not able to be mad at her for too long.

"What?" Addison asks, confused because Meredith stopped in the middle of a thought. Meredith shakes her head, looking away from her. Addison reaches forward, her hand going to Meredith's arm, but she wishes she hadn't as soon as she does it. Meredith turns to her, her eyes a color she's only seen them once, which was the night before, and she realizes what's probably going through the blonde's head. "I'm sorry," she says, removing her hand and stepping back.

"Yeah, I'm going to go now," Meredith rushes out in one breath.

Addison nods and then Meredith leaves her office. Addison, who was holding her breath, exhales deeply, moving to her chair. She sits down, closing her eyes and throwing her head back. This is going to be hard. She's not exactly sure if Meredith is even mad at her still. She understands if she is, but she hopes she isn't. She knows that if they do remain friends – which she hopes they do – then it's going to be a battle. Just now, the two of them standing next to each other, she could feel the sexual heat between them. She can only imagine how it would be once they work through these minor issues they are having.

–

After almost eleven hours of surgery, all Derek can think about is getting some sleep, but that seems like the last thing he's going to get right now. When he laid down in an on-call room, too tired to think about driving back to the trailer, he wasn't expecting that Addison would soon be peeking through the door, making sure nobody else was in the room. He sits up slightly and then she comes in, a sad look in her eyes as she leans against the door, trying to find something to focus her eyes on. He knows this look. He wants to get up, but his body is overworked, and getting up is the last thing it wants to do. He rolls over slightly so he can see her, but still she doesn't say anything, and she doesn't look at him.

"Addison, either speak or sit down," he finally says gravely.

Addison looks up at him and ends up walking over to the bed, sitting down. She's not sure why she's here, what she really thinks this will accomplish, but ever since Meredith left she's been waiting for him to get out of surgery so she could come and find him. She brings one leg up on the bed, bending it and resting her elbow on it as she cradles her head in her hand. She keeps her eyes on her foot, her eyes tracing the curve of her pump over and over.

Derek lies on his back, closing his eyes. "What's wrong?" No verbal response comes, but she lets out an exaggerated sigh. "Is this about last night?"

"What?" Addison asks a bit too quickly.

"Last night," he repeats. "Or is this about this morning before we left?"

Addison leans back against the metal of the bed, her eyes closing. "This isn't going to work between us anymore, is it? We keep trying, but this morning when you said that you still didn't forgive me..."

"I said I was sorry about that already," he interrupts, grunting because he's tired and Addison's always picking the worst times to want to talk.

"No, no, I know you did. The thing is, you don't forgive me and I understand now." She understands because she's not worthy of the trust she's asking for. Sure, last night with Meredith wasn't planned, but the thoughts have been running through her head for a long time now. "I know why you don't trust me, and perhaps you shouldn't, not completely. But if you aren't going to trust me completely, then I can't..." Addison opens her eyes, looking into his confused soft-blue eyes. "I can't continue trying to make something work if there isn't any hope," she whispers, keeping her emotions at bay, not wanting to seem weak.

Derek sits up, but doesn't move closer to her. "What are you saying?"

"I can't handle this anymore," she says, and, despite her best efforts, she feels a hot tear rolling down her cheek. "I need to take control of my life again. This is not the person I want to be and I'm going to change until I'm happy with what I see when I look into the mirror."

Derek stares at her, unable to speak. Was she seriously trying to end their marriage after last night? He is beyond confused and as he looks at her, her eyes filling with tears she tries to hide, he knows she's probably just as confused. He doesn't say anything as he lies down, turning away, looking at the wall, listening to the sound of her leaving them room. There's nothing left to say.

–

Meredith sits down on her bed, groaning loudly. This day started out with a little hope and is ending with- Meredith doesn't even know. Meredith wants so badly to give in to this ache she gets in her lower stomach every time she's around Addison, the raw sexual desire within her. But this isn't just about sexual desire. Meredith wants something from Addison that she rarely ever wants from anyone. She wants Addison to love her, completely and unconditionally. Besides Derek, she's only wanted that one other time and that was different because that was her mother. The first two, her mother and Derek, didn't love her the way she wanted and now she's sure Addison never will either.

"The price of love is only love... one must love if one desires to be loved," Meredith says out loud, the quote that has been playing around in her head ever since Addison gave her that book.

TBC

Sometimes I do procrastinate – who doesn't – and since this fandom has always been more of a challenge for me, I do tend to put this on the bottom of my to-do list. So if you see I haven't updated in a while you can always look at my profile because I do put up if I'm going to be taking a break from something, and I put a date for the time my next update will be up by.

Hope y'all liked this chapter. Took me all of today to figure out what to write about – meaning not only did I procrastinate, I also didn't even do the planning I was supposed to do. I hope to update again before the month is over, but this is a pretty busy month, so if I don't update by the 26th check my profile.


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 8: **

Addison slumps down on the bed in the trailer, the bag of packed clothes falling down to the floor. "What am I doing?" she asks herself out loud. She'd left the hospital shortly after leaving Derek in that on-call room. She checked on her patients, gathered her belongings from her office, gave out a few orders, and then she left. She drove to the trailer, knowing she was going to need to start getting her things out at some point. She also knew she was going to need something to wear the next few days. But now that she's packed a large duffel with enough clothes to last her a week, she thinks she must have lost her mind.

She looks into the emptiness of the trailer and then down to the bag between her feet. She can't decide if she's really doing the right thing. She needs to talk this out. But who is she supposed to talk to? There's always Miranda, but she's sure Miranda's still at the hospital, and then there's Meredith. She can't quite decide if it's okay to call Meredith, though. She's already involved Meredith in the problems of her marriage enough times. But she doesn't know who else to call. She reaches for her phone without thinking again if it's wrong or right. She easily gets to Meredith's name in her contacts and before she can decide against it, the phone is pressed against her ear as it rings.

"Hello," comes the groggy response. Addison feels a dry lump in her throat and doesn't say anything. "Addison?"

Addison lets out a deep sigh and then considers just hanging up, but doesn't. "Did I wake you?" Addison asks, but she already knows she did. She can hear it in Meredith's voice.

"Yeah, but it's okay. What happened? Why are you calling so late?"

Addison pinches the bridge of her nose as she lets out another impossibly deep sigh. She wants to cry so badly. Crying is a sign of weakness in her eyes, but lately she's been feeling so weak. "I-I-I... I think I left Derek," she blurts out.

There's a long pause where neither of them say a thing, and there's this awkward silence between the two of them. "You think?" Meredith finally asks. "What do you mean you think you left him?" Addison says nothing, but Meredith can hear the sound of her breath coming through the receiver of the phone. "Addie?"

"I'm sorry that I called. I should just go," Addison hastily says.

"Wait! What are you doing?" Meredith rushes her question out in one sleepy breath.

"Packing up some clothes. I think Derek might be staying at the hospital tonight, but I really don't want to sleep in this trailer." Addison stands up as she goes on, speaking as she picks up her bag and a few various things she has in the area. "I'm going to try to get a room at the hotel. Hopefully they have something, and if they don't, there's always my office."

There's another long pause before Meredith says anything. "Come over here. There's no reason why you should go all the way to the hotel for a possible room when you can just stay at my house." When neither of them say anything, Meredith continues. "If you want, you can just sleep on the sofa in the living room, or you can have my bed."

Addison wasn't going to take the intern's bed from her, but the sofa didn't sound like such a bad thing. Just for a night, of course. She would definitely be heading to the hotel the next day. But maybe going to the house of the one person you really shouldn't see isn't the best of ideas when you're feeling like you're going to fall apart. She also doesn't want any of the other interns to see her like this. Addison tries so hard to keep up her walls and her persona. She doesn't want them to see her when she's weak, which is the only way to describe how she feels at the moment. There aren't many people who can actually say they've seen her in a time of true weakness, and in all honesty, she doesn't want George and Izzie to be added to the list of those who can.

"Addie, you there?"

"Yes," she says softly. "Are you sure you don't mind? I don't want to invade your space. I really don't mind driving down to the hotel." She hears Meredith yawn and say something that sounds like, "come on over" or something of the sort. "Thanks, Mere," she whispers into the phone.

"Don't thank me just yet. You haven't had to get ready in the morning with a house full of interns," she says in a joking manner.

Addison actually smiles as she zips her bag. "I'm sure it'll be just fine. I'll see you shortly." She hangs up the phone and then puts it into her pocket. She gets her pager off the spot she placed it when she got into the trailer earlier and then she clips it on to the waistband of the jeans she put on when she got in earlier. She runs her fingers through her hair, sighing to herself as she does so. She can already see this being a long night. A long night that she's not looking forward to.

–

Meredith gets up from the bed and rubs the heel of her hand against her forehead. She looks at the time on her phone and is surprised to see it's only a little after ten. She was sure it was much later than that. She quickly tidies up her room a little, gathering the clothes she'd abandoned earlier in the day, throwing them into their usual spot. She picks up the medical books and journals and places them in a neat pile. She gets a pair of pajama pants and throws them on, covering up her legs which were bare. She'd fallen asleep in her henley shirt and panties earlier. She does a quick look around her room, making sure there isn't anything lying around that she might want to pick up before Addison arrived. She heads down to the first floor, walking softly pass the other rooms softly. Izzie may or may not be in the hospital still, but she knows George is in his room sleeping.

Meredith goes down to the first floor and into the kitchen. As she makes coffee she thinks about what Addison said. She doesn't really understand what Addison meant when she said she thinks she left Derek. She would understand if she said she was thinking of it, or wanted to, but she doesn't get how she can think she did. She wants to know, but she can already tell Addison doesn't want to talk about it. Meredith's not going to push her. If she knows anything, then it's that sometimes people just don't want to talk about things. She herself gets annoyed by people who don't seem to understand that, so it would be hypocritical if she were to expect Addison to talk to her when she doesn't want to. She'll just give to Addison what she does want; a place to sleep, maybe some coffee, and a distraction of some sort if she likes. She can do that much.

Five minutes later there's a knock on her door, which makes her jump slightly. She was a little lost in her thoughts. She starts walking to the door, seeing Addison on the other side of it with her bag and purse. She lets in Addison, taking in the redness of her eyes and the slightly crumpled look of the woman who usually looks so put together. She doesn't mention any of that as she lets Addison come in. She locks back up and then silently leads Addison into the kitchen, not wanting to create too much noise in the foyer, being respectful of George as he sleeps. Their sleep doesn't come often, so it's important that they get it when they can. Luckily, Meredith's not on-call the next day, so she doesn't mind missing out on a little sleep to help out her friend.

Addison's bags are placed down and then they take seats at the island, where coffee is poured for them both. "Thanks," Addison says softly as she wraps her hands around the ceramic mug, letting it warm them. Meredith hums as she puts things into her coffee, getting it just the way she likes it. Addison only adds a little sugar and then takes a healthy swallow of the piping hot liquid. "I'm sorry for waking you," she tells her, "I just didn't know who to call."

Meredith smiles slightly. "I'm glad you called me. I like knowing that when you don't know who to call, you choose me," she responds honestly. She turns her head to Addison and the older woman looks at her for a second before looking into the dark coffee. "Are you hungry? Izzie's been pretty busy in her free time, experimenting with different recipes she finds."

Addison shakes her head as she sighs. "I don't think I can eat." Addison moves her hair to one shoulder and then rests her head on her hand, her hair falling over and creating a curtain. She looks at Meredith as if she's trying to figure something out. Meredith blushes lightly and she takes a sip of her coffee, but she doesn't look away. Addison looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn't. She only drinks her coffee as she continues to look at the blonde.

"What are you thinking about?" Meredith finally asks her.

Addison considers not answering the question honestly, but she doesn't. "You," she says softly. She clears her throat and then takes a swallow of her coffee.

"What about me?" she inquires curiously.

Addison shakes her head, not answering the question as she goes for her coffee again. She spends a few moments drinking her coffee, letting it warm her from the inside as the blonde continues to stare at her. Addison licks her lips once she puts her mug down and then sighs. "I told Derek that I couldn't keep trying to make things work with him if there's no chance in us fixing things." Addison reads the surprise in the blonde's features and she goes on. "He doesn't trust me and I don't think that he will ever again," she tells her honestly.

"You don't know that. Derek's... Derek."

Addison smiles softly. "I know Derek, as much as I would like to be wrong about this, I'm not. But the more I think about it, the more I don't want him to forgive me. If he doesn't forgive me, that means I have a reason for ending our marriage that won't hurt him. I think if I were to be completely honest about why I can't handle this marriage, it would hurt him. I think I've hurt him enough as is."

Meredith takes a moment to process what Addison said as they both drink their coffee. She puts the mug down and then looks up at the older woman. "What's the whole truth?"

"You already know the whole truth." Meredith gives her a look that tells her to go on and Addison licks her lips. "I feel like I'm cheating on him simply by having feelings for you," she admits in a whisper as she looks away and into her coffee. "This is something that's been going on for a long time now, and when I get around you, or someone mentions you..." Addison trails off with a shaky breath.

"What?" she asks desperately, needing to hear whatever she's thinking.

Addison turns to the blonde, whose lip is caught between her teeth as she worries it. "I can't stop thinking about you sometimes. I've tried, but I can't. And, after kissing you yesterday- I spent a lot of time today remembering the way your lips felt against mine, and it scares me how much I want to feel it again because I wanted to fix things with Derek. I can't, though. I can't fix my marriage because what I really want is to lean-"

Meredith leans forward and presses her lips to Addison's roughly, shutting her up. Meredith can feel her heart racing in her chest, pounding and beating so loudly in her ear. As her lips move against Addison's, Addison's hand tentatively moves to the blonde's thigh, resting on it. Meredith hums softly into the kiss and then lets her tongue trace Addison's bottom lip slowly, making the older of the two open her mouth to her tongue. With granted access, Meredith's tongue moves into the warmth of Addison's mouth, caressing the other woman's tongue. The kiss becomes hot and needy quickly as Meredith's tongue becomes more demanding. Addison is almost unresponsive as every sensitive spot in her mouth is discovered, but once the shock of having the other woman's lips against hers wears off, which doesn't take long, she kisses her back with the same ferocity. Moans and sighs mingle in the space between their mouths as the two of them get lost in the touch of each other's mouths.

Addison finally pulls back, pushing Meredith away slightly as she breathes heavily. She looks into lustful eyes and feels a heat taking over her body that she's growing used to feeling again. "I want to do that with you all the time," she whispers.

"I know," Meredith breathes because it's the same thing she always wants to do. Meredith slides her hand up one of Addison's arms and the other woman looks down at her hand and bites her lip. Meredith watches Addison for some type of reaction as she brings her hand to her neck and slowly pulls her closer. Addison turns to her and Meredith leans in again. She leans in and kisses her again; soft and slow. She enjoys the feeling of Addison's soft lips and then pulls back again. Addison's hand has moved up her thigh slightly and she can feel the signs that she's getting aroused by the closeness of her hand. "Do you want to, uhm...?"

Addison raises one of those perfect eyebrows and strokes Meredith's thigh through her pajamas. "Do I want to what?" she asks. Addison's trying not to focus on the heat that she can feel at the tips of her fingers because she knows where the source of the heat is. She continues to rub her fingers in circles on her thigh still, not stopping even though she knows what she's doing to Meredith's body.

"We should go to bed," Meredith barely gets out before a sound that is almost a moan escapes her mouth. She can feel all the blood in her body rushing down to that spot between her thighs, heating her. She knows she's getting wetter and wetter as the seconds go by.

Addison removes her hand and moves back some. "Go ahead," she whispers. "I think I'm going to finish my cold coffee."

Meredith's heart sinks. "That's not what I meant." She looks up at Addison with lustful eyes that are pleading.

"Oh," Addison whispers as she looks into those deep eyes. She can feel the rush of arousal and heat mix with the nerves and trepidation. "You want to..." Addison makes this adorable head nod and then raises her eyebrow slightly.

Meredith hopes she's not rushing things and assuming that Addison wants things that she doesn't really want. She thinks Addison wants what she wants, but then she can't be sure. She bites the inside of her cheek before she looks away and out of the kitchen. "Do you just want to take the bed and I take the sofa? If you do, I won't mind." She turns back. "I don't want you to think that I'm trying to push you-"

This time it's Meredith who's stopped in the beginning of a rant with a bruising kiss. She moans and melts a little as she wraps her arms around Addison's neck. Meredith can easily see herself getting addicted to the sweetness of Addison's mouth. Under the bitterness of the coffee she can taste Addison, which is the most delicious thing she's ever tasted. She swipes her tongue along the crevices of her mouth, touches the roof of her mouth, and dances an arousing dance with Addison's tongue. Addison's a good kisser and she's making Meredith's body heat from the inside out as she tries not to drown in the amount of desire and arousal that the attendant is creating.

Addison's mouth moves from Meredith's and she kisses her way to her ear. She sucks the lobe into her mouth and the blonde moans lowly. Addison's never been more sure of anything before. She wants Meredith. She's wanted Meredith for so long that she doesn't see how she's been able to control the urge to touch her until now. Meredith's skin and hair smells good as she starts moving her mouth to the spot behind her ear. She sucks the spot there and the blonde's nails scrape against her neck, a moan filling the room, and Addison realizes that she's found one of Meredith's sensitive spots. She lightly scrapes her teeth over it and sucks it again before moving to her ear.

"I want you," she whispers hotly.

Meredith feels like she's dreaming as she hears those words. "You want me," she whispers, repeating the admission.

"Yes," Addison husks as she sucks against her ear again.

Meredith moans again and then quickly sucks in a deep breath. "God," she breathes. "Upstairs; let me take you upstairs."

Addison pulls back; her heart is racing and beating loudly. She gets up from her seat and so does Meredith. Their mugs end up staying on the island because they are too aroused to worry about getting anything other than the bags. They take Addison's bags and bring them upstairs to Meredith's room, being quite as they enter the bedroom. Once they get to the bedroom, the bags are placed on the chair and then the light is turned on by Meredith, but quickly turned off by Addison. Addison walks backwards to the bed slowly, pulling Meredith by her hand, not stopping until the backs off her knees and the bed collides. Meredith smiles at her and Addison pulls her to her as they simultaneously fall back onto the bed.

"You know we don't have to rush this," Meredith tells her as they move on the bed until they are in a comfortable spot. "We can wait for this," she whispers as Addison's hands slide up her back. She closes her eyes and shivers slightly as Addison's cool fingers running against her skin.

"You're starting to make me feel like you actually want me to stop," Addison admits as she starts lifting the shirt from Meredith.

Meredith sits up fully so Addison can lift her shirt. "I just don't want this to be a one-time thing," she admits as her shirt is being pulled off her.

Addison looks up from Meredith's breasts long enough to speak to her. "I want you – not just your body, but you. I want you longer than tonight." Meredith's lips clash with hers in a hungry kiss and Addison moans, rolling them over so she's on top. Addison lifts from the kiss, her eyes meeting Meredith's in the dark. "I've dreamt of this so many times," she tells her sweetly.

Meredith smiles up at her. "Of having sex with me?"

Addison shakes her head, kissing her way to her ear. "Of making love to you," she whispers.

Meredith's heart stops for a moment and then speeds up quickly. "Kiss me," she whispers and Addison does.

TBC

On hiatus... not an ideal place to take a break, but a break is needed from this. I will return, though.


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